How to enjoy being single
For anyone who’s been ditched, the following are tried and true ways to take advantage of being single
Have you ever found yourself in a bar after a breakup, heard Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies,” and realized with panic that you are now one of the single ladies?
Fear not – this is the article for you. After my search for love on Tinder, I realized that I was focusing too much on trying to find the Marshall to my Lily and not fully enjoying the single life.
Thankfully, through extensive personal research, my friends and I have found a way to capitalize on every benefit of being footloose and fancy free. For anyone who’s recently ditched or been ditched, the following are tried and true ways you can take advantage of being single.
Experiment with fashion
Going to Finni’s and sick of everything in your usual going-out rotation? Wear a shirt with Olaf on it. Everyone knows he’s the ultimate wingman, and experience has taught me that he’s a great conversation starter. If you don’t have any Frozen merch, you can always wear a shirt with your best friend’s face on it.
Go au naturel
No, don’t run around naked (except in the privacy of your own home). Forgo the make-up once in a while….or forget about it altogether. And if you want to take it a step further, “accidentally” take a walk outside with pimple cream still dotted all over your face. This has been tested, and it’s a surefire way to get some confused looks and give the impression that you have more confidence than you know what to do with.
Go to a formal alone
No date? No problem. Friend and a fifth can be conquered alone, right?? It actually cannot, but for dances with themes that aren’t designed to make you black out, take ya boy Jason Derulo’s advice and go solo. Commemorate your independence with some adorable pics of you and all the guys you need.
Have slumber parties
Not the kind you’re thinking of. If you’re looking for some male energy but you’re not trying to get tied down, have a slumber party with your roommate and her boyfriend! You get to watch him sleep and you don’t have to deal with the extra body heat.
Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind
Gone are the days of carefully planning everything you say so as not to scare off your fellow. Tell it like it is – for example, if you meet a nice guy on the dance floor at Feve, refer to the hour you spent grinding as your first date and ask what he has planned for the second. And don’t ever settle; if you know you’re not feeling it, preemptively let him know you won’t be going home with him because you’re “a lady.”
Rediscover the joys of food
Relationships are great, but they can be distracting. Some of your favorite hobbies – like eating – may have fallen by the wayside while you were canoodling. Don’t be afraid to dive back into the joys of fried food and dipping sauce. And remember, Brother’s cheese curds will make you happier than any boy ever could. (This guy’s face says it all…)
Use your resources
So you’ve got an ex and things are still weird? Believe it or not, you can still get one night of not paying cover at Feve out of him. Bring a picture of him to the door on Valentine’s Day, maybe tear up a little, and you’re in for free. No ex to be found? Google Images has a fine selection of men who you can pretend broke your heart a few years back.
Celebrate your platonic comrades
Go ahead and start planning your friendship party with your best friend. Relationships come and go, but your ~day 1 A1~ will not. Whether you choose to celebrate after a couple months or a couple decades, it’s never too early to start planning the most important day of your life.
Embrace the hideous Facebook posts
You’re cute. You know it. Everyone else knows it. Sometimes it’s worth it to mix it up and give other people’s pics a chance to rack up the likes.
Follow the Golden Rule
Embrace being single. This won’t last forever, and some day you’ll have a cutie who takes up all your time. Maybe you’ll meet him pounding shots at New Finni’s, maybe you’ll meet him in line at Vesuvio’s, maybe you’ll meet him on a late-night run to the Huddle for more pimple cream.
But in the meantime, live it up and do your thing.