Dorm culture here for men is very different than for women

ND’s unusual system of single-gender dorms and parietals is constantly a hot topic on campus, with good points both for and against.

Students cite the close friendships the arrangement fosters within your dorm and the sense of comfort walking around after parietals as plus-sides. However, there are some undeniable frustrations that come with the system.

It’s harder to make opposite-gender friends, especially as a freshman

One definite downside of having single-gender dorms is that it’s much harder to make casual friends of the other gender, especially as a freshman.  “I do think that when you meet guys, there’s a whole sense of ‘Oh, should we even walk all the way over there to hang out with them, should we just stay in our dorm?’” says senior Allison Leddy.

While it’s obviously still possible to make opposite-gender friends, there’s a big difference between getting to know someone casually by running into them in the hallways, and having to actively go over to a guys’ dorm to see someone, which often has the uncomfortable feeling of an official visit to someone else’s ‘place’ rather than a situation where you’re on equal footing.

“It makes things very divisive,” says sophomore Isa Fontana.  “Especially a girl bringing a guy back to a girls’ dorm, and especially freshman year, it’s not uncommon for everyone to stare and say ‘Oooh, who’s that?’”

Beyond being funny and awkward, it’s almost impossible to become as close with someone who inspires that reaction when they come to hang out, as it is with someone who lives three doors down and bumps into you in the mail room.

Throwing parties at ND is a privilege reserved almost exclusively for guys

The thing which surprised me the most upon arriving at ND was that men’s dorms throw parties, but women’s dorms almost never do.  To be honest, it still shocks me that people aren’t more active about trying to change this custom.

Of course, girls can and do party just as much as guys—but for them, weekend socializing often turns into bouncing aimlessly in small groups from dorm parties to random off-campus houses where they may not know many people, while guys’ dorms and sections bond by hosting their own events.

While part of it is no doubt by choice—many girls don’t want their rooms trashed by dorm parties—a bigger factor is the relative strictness of women’s dorm rectors and RA’s about alcohol and parties when compared to those in men’s dorms.  “At guys’ dorms they really don’t care – as long as they can’t see it, it’s fine,” points out Isa, “but here it’s very frowned upon.”

Allison added: “It’s one of the most unfortunate phenomena in ND’s culture.

“It’s the way we’re socialized when we walk in—I’m sure there are many guys who don’t want their dorm rooms trashed every weekend and don’t want to pay for tons of alcohol, just as there are many women who do want to throw parties.”

Dorm culture here for men is very different than for women

One major plus to the single-gender dorms at ND is the brother- and sisterhood that the living situation inevitably fosters.  But why is that bond often so much tighter in men’s dorms than in women’s?

For example, many, if not most of the guys I’ve met here are close with the majority of their section – some dorms take it further with traditions such as dis-orientation, nicknames, and gentle welcoming (“hazing”) of freshmen to foster connections.  By contrast, while girls here often have best friends in their dorms, there’s less of a sense of section- or dorm-specific community.

Isa said: “I think there’s a level of comfort that male students here have that women don’t – I also think that there’s very little competition between men.

“One thing I think is a problem in our society is the idea of competition between women and the idea that there is only room for so many of us. So, the section phenomenon where guys will stay in the same section forever, which is kind of awesome, or they stay friends despite maybe not having much in common–women don’t have that.”

“The culture for guys here is way more established,” agrees Isa.

“It has to do with how it used to be a guys’ only university – I do think it’s a little easier for girls’ dorms that are older, because they have more traditions.”

Growing up, I heard plenty of stories even from my dad about his dorm traditions, beer games and keg races, only to find upon arriving here that the Notre Dame experience for girls is substantially different.

“I guess I’m glad I didn’t have a dis-o or anything,” shrugs Allison, “but I do think that I had to work to be friends with people in my section.” This isn’t to say that girls here don’t make close friendships easily within their dorms; they do, of course.

But the strong influence of two very different dorm cultures is definitely something worth noting about ND.