A washed-up senior’s guide to surviving UMich Welcome Week

Welcome week, what is there even to say? It's by far one of the most booze-filled clusters you may ever experience and potentially never remember. A lot can happen in that one week, and it can get overwhelming, so here are some tips to help you get through one of the toughest, craziest and best weeks at Michigan.

Get used to Kamchatka

Unfortunately, you will drink a lot of shitty K in your college career, so Welcome Week is probably the best place for you to really get the hang of taking pulls from poison in a bottle.

Don't overextend yourself

There's a lot going on during Welcome Week. You don't have to darty at seven different frats every day, go out at night, attempt to figure out your way around campus and also function like a human. You can skip a day of drinking, I promise.

Eat everywhere and everything

There's no need to stick to your Welcome Week diet, considering natty light is def not a diet food anyway. Take Welcome Week as a chance to develop a sense of what true late night Ann Arbor bites are really about. Every bite of cheesy bread is worth it.

Hold on to your phone for dear life

Every single upperclassman can vouch for this one, and if they can't, they are lying. Waking up to a cracked —or even missing—phone is the worst feeling in the world. I am honestly convinced that Apple invented Welcome Week so they could sell more iPhones to desperate college kids.

Go where you are comfortable

During Welcome Week, you'll get a lot of invites from a lot of people in your ear about where to go. Don't worry so much about going to top frats and trying to impress "cool" people, just go where you want and meet people you actually would want to spend the next four years with.

Get every number you can

Come midterms and finals week, when your stress is high, anxiety levels are raised, you're gonna want that booty call.

Pacing is key

No one expects you to do 10 shots before 10am. I've done Welcome Week for three years now and I still can't even do that. When you do decide to go out and darty, it'll be a long day, so you might as well try to enjoy the it slowly.

Call your family

Trust me, your family wants to hear from you and make sure their little baby is safe and happy at college. Just make sure you are able to form sentences when you call home.

Have fun and be safe

Enjoy yourself! Let loose and be smart.