St. Patrick’s Day is actually more turnt in the US than in Ireland

To begin, play this and gaze at this beautiful photo for a few moments to ~set the scene~.

The average Irish bend in the road

Gather around kiddies and let me tell you a quick history of old St. Paddy (not Patty, ugh) and why he inspires so many to pretend to be Irish for a day. Here is the incredibly simplified version told to a wee Deirdre, passed down from the elders of the McGovern Clan still in the homeland.

Back when I was still but a princess in the Emerald Isle

The tale goes:

Ol’ St. Paddy was actually a British pagan, stolen from his home and brought to Ireland. Yet, being spry and crafty and saintly, he escaped back to his family. However, a voice told him he had to return to Ireland for mission work (I wonder if this is the excuse for the rest of the British Empire). There, he spread Christianity throughout the land, instilling fear in the hearts of pagans, and chasing all the snakes away.  Granted, I was also told there were never any snakes in Ireland to begin with, but it’s kind of a #hadtobethere moment. Thus he became the Patron Saint of Ireland, and there was much rejoicing!

Cliffs of Moher: Irish cliffs that one could drive snakes off of lemming-style. Also featured in the Princess Bride

But did you know? In Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day is still traditionally a religious observance and wasn’t actually celebrated with the festivities we see here until around 1995. What!?  That’s right, Irish-Americans go harder.  You see, in Ireland the holiday really was more modest and centered primarily on religious services and a feast.

The time of year when shamrocks simply spring up willy-nilly

The food is actually an interesting story.  As you may have noticed, there are people of Irish decent everywhere. In fact, when there was a huge influx of Irish into the U.S. around the 19th century, two interrelated reasons for their arrival were economics and the Potato Famine.

This didn’t lend itself to too much spending money; therefore, when it came time to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day, Irish-Americans could only afford the cheapest form of meat, which was — you guessed it — corned beef.  Corned beef simply is not a thing in Ireland, which might have something to do with Mad Cow disease (I spaced out at this point in the story… like I said, I was wee). In Ireland, the typical feast meats are actually lamb and bacon. So much tastier.

This is not feast food — lamb and bacon are not green

Drinking, on the other hand, they got right. Saint Patrick’s Day is traditionally a day of reprieve from Lent observations, and thus why the holiday was probably originally associated with drinking.  That and it’s an Irish celebration, so drinks are naturally plentiful, duh.

Nailed it

So go forth: Don your green, drink, and kiss all the Irish people you can find. Céad Míle Fáilte to the best holiday in the world!