A definitive ranking of the best pizza places in Ann Arbor

As a devout Italian-American from the most GOAT area in New York (Guido-est Of All Time — which I am extremely proud of, by the way), you can assume that I know a thing or two about Italian food. Alright, alright… fine. It’s basically all I eat. I admit to being a marinara maniac. A connoisseur of cannolis, if you will. Let’s just say if my grandmother knew I’ve eaten at Olive Garden twice in my life, she would serve my head on a platter for Christmas Eve.

Because my blood stream is naturally filled with parmesan and soppressata galore, I like to think I have an advanced taste for all Italian delicacies. And what is the one meal that every single student at the University of Michigan — barring those who hate puppies and have no soul — could never pass up, whether it is noon or post-Skeeps?

That’s right… pizza.

I’ve tried them all. I’ve had my high points, like when I called my father in tears of joy, expressing my gratitude for finding something (semi) close to a classic New York slice. And I’ve had my low points, such as calling my father in actual sad tears, expressing how I ate 3-day-old cheesy bread out of a box in my garbage can. (He sent me Rosary beads in the mail the next day.)

Without further adieu, here is my definitive ranking of the best pizza joints in Ann Arbor, where you’ll find Michigan students devouring, sharing, and sobbing over this mozzarella goodness… or badness.

10. Bell’s Pizza

Upon asking one of my friends to grab Bell’s Pizza with me in my recent past, they responded with, “HAHAHAHA, it depends how drunk you are!” It was 2pm on a Tuesday. I want you to just imagine terrible pizza. Picture a baby throwing white and red Play-Doh on a piece of frozen bread. If you choose to eat Bell’s sober, you are insulting every Italian person you have ever met, whether that’s your roommate from Markley or Luigi, your go-to Mario Kart character. Please don’t offend Luigi, he doesn’t deserve this.

9. Domino’s

Maybe I’m biased because I was basically classically conditioned to vomit when I’m around chain pizza restaurants, but Domino’s pizza makes (almost) the bottom of the list. It’s alright if you are desperate for some marinara on a piece of bread, but that’s about it. If you’re going to order some Domino’s, definitely go Brooklyn Style. And no, that’s not some new sex position the kids are trying these days (or is it? idk).

8. Pizza Bob’s

Hey, I’m all for shoving an entire pizza pie down my gullet in 30 seconds max, but what kind of joint with “pizza” in the name, doesn’t sell individual slices? I guess the same place that is rumored to have terrible customer service. Hit up Pizza Bob’s for a chipati and a milkshake, or maybe a mediocre drunken slice — ugh, I mean ENTIRE PIE — on your walk down State St. to the Big House on game day. Maybe they just want all the girls on campus to be fat for spring break.

7. Backroom

Cheese slices for $1 and pepperoni slices for $1.50. If that’s not college, then I don’t know what is. Backroom Pizza is steps — nay, BREATHS — from Rick’s, which makes it not only super convenient for a late night slice, but also a serious health hazard. The slices aren’t that big and are super greasy, but if you didn’t get Backroom after going to Rick’s, did you even go to Rick’s?

6. Cottage Inn Pizza

I like to consider Cottage Inn a more upscale Domino’s, but with semi-thinner crust and more self-respect. A huge downside of Cottage Inn is how far it is — it’s definitely not on the walk home from Rick’s. But it’s good if you’re craving that big order + fast delivery life. But one major key is they butter their breadsticks and crusts, like A LOT. Like, ‘Picasso is behind the counter painting the pizzas with Land O’Lakes’ a lot. Like, ‘Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin pizza?’ a lot.

5. Pieology

Noted by my classmates as the “Chipotle of pizza restaurants” (um, maybe because Chipotle owns it, geniuses), Pieology makes the next spot on our list. An entire pizza pie with unlimited toppings for $7.95 is definitely not too shabby in the life of a college student. You personalize your own pie (which throws my opinion about individual slices out the window) with the choice of three doughs, seven sauces, and any cheese, meat and veggie you could ever ask for. It’s not classic restaurant-style pizza, but would you consider Chipotle a classic burrito? And you still get it 3 times a week, right? That’s what I thought.

4. NeoPapalis

NeoPapalis is one of the most underrated restaurants in Ann Arbor, with also the most underrated pizzas in A^2 as well. Specializing in Neapolitan pizza, this joint exudes all things fresh, from their tasty pizza toppings to their perfectly seasoned salads. The only downside is that NeoPapalis is super far — you’d never pass it on your way to class or on the way home from the bar. But if you’re in the area, definitely order the North Beach Bianca pizza. And let me know how the Great Wall of China looks from over there.

3. Pizza House

Ahhh, Pizza House. Pizza House is like that one really cool cousin you see at family gatherings that you haven’t talked to for months, but once you get to catching up, it’s like you never went out of touch. Pizza House is top tier not just because it’s the #1 late-night food ordered in Ann Arbor, but because the cheesy/feta bread (not so much the pizza) tastes like it was sent from God himself. Top it off with some marinara and chipati sauce and you got yourself a lovely 3am meal to share with housemates and fellow Skeeps-goers that you’ve pulled. Or if you’re me, just another regular Friday night.

2. South U Pizza

For a tiny pizza joint that can double as the closet you lost your second-base virginity to in 7 Minutes in Heaven, South U Pizza packs serious fire, which is why it brings us to the number 2 spot on our countdown. It is super quick and affordable, has great service, and undoubtedly resembles a New York pizza slice. And most importantly, people actually grab slices from South U when the sun is out. Because they actually want to remember eating it.

1. New York Pizza Depot

Yo South U, I’m really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but NYPD has the best pizza in Ann Arbor. Don’t even try to argue with me, angsty procrastinator in The Ref, because you know you have ended up at NYPD at least once in your life and enjoyed every single second of it. That perfectly thin dough. That airy, decadent crust. The way the cheese slowly stretches from the bite on the slice to the greasy lips of the guy you thought you wanted to go home with back at Skeeps where the lights were dimmer. The variety of NYPD is everything you want and more from morning until.. well, technically morning again. And with consumers ranging from grad students to freshmen with fake IDs and from engineering students to philosophy professors, where else is better for variety than NYPD?