What your profile picture says about you

Let’s be honest: There is definitely a formula when it comes to choosing the perfect Facebook profile picture. You can’t settle for any old shot, so you make it your mission to find the picture that best captures how ~quirky~ and amazing you are.

But no matter how hard you try to virtually stand out, it’s more than likely that your slammin’ new prof pic is actually just a variation on one of several types of basic photos. But rather than feeling ashamed of your basicness, you should embrace it. After all, these pictures are classics for a reason: because they’re guaranteed to get you a ton of likes, and that’s really what social media is all about, right?

The White Wall

Nothing screams “I harassed one of my friends to miss 15 minutes of the pregame and take 50+ pictures of me” like the White Wall picture. You are pretty much an oxymoron, because for someone who is completely alone in a picture, you surprisingly have a ton of friends and well over 200 likes. Possessing a “me myself and I — take it or leave it!” attitude, you have probably tweeted a few melodramatic Marilyn Monroe quotes in your recent past, including, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best!!!!” Word to the wise, you may want to delete those extra excessive White Wall shots off your camera roll after you find the winner. iCloud Backup will definitely thank you for it.

The Scenic Shot

Accompanied by the caption “Take me backkkk,” the scenic shot is an attempt to portray you as an experienced traveler. You have been to a few cool places, I’ll give you that, and your over-the-bare-shoulder smize really sets off your sultry bronze tan. Your social media savvy makes you an expert at choosing which picture to Instagram and which to default on Facebook. You might be a little more cultured than the rest of us, but please refrain from making your caption in the native language of the scene — everyone knows you just used Google Translate anyway.

The Game Day Pic

You might as well be holding up a sign saying, “Hey high school friends! I bet I am having more fun at my school than you are! Go sports!” In your finest maize and blue spiritwear, this shot attempts to portray a typical, rowdy Michigan game day in all of its glory. You are a huge fan of your school and not afraid to shout it, and by that I mean you write “Go blue” as your Facebook status and make your cover photo the Big House at least once in your life. Moms, aunts, even grandparents will comment saying, “looks like u r having a great time!” but little do they know this “great time” is the result of three wine bags to the face and barely making it to the stadium in time for kickoff.

The Foodie Shot

Nothing says, “I’m a chill girl who can hang out with the bros” quite like a chick with a Foodie Shot profile picture. You also love to tell people your favorite alcoholic beverage is beer, which may or may not be true (probably the latter). The Foodie Shot persona is one we can classify as “All-American,” and tends to be both laidback and personable. You wear sweatpants to class and manage to make it look effortlessly cool. You don’t eat to live, you live to eat, and friends can always rely on you to grab a slice at NYPD post-Skeeps.

The Bathing Suit Pic

We get it. You are more genetically gifted than the rest of us and aren’t afraid to flaunt it. “I don’t think I look that good, I just think it’s a cool picture,” you say. Oh, save it. You’re hot. We can see that from your sun-kissed skin and perfectly chiseled torso. But just know that every single person who comments “goals” on your picture secretly wants you to relive their freshman year and gain 15, if not 30, pounds.

The “Candid” Shot

Regardless of whether or not it’s a laughing picture, a pensive shot in The Arb, or any photo titled “just me doin’ me,” I am 99.9% sure you knew exactly when and where that picture was being taken. I have literally heard someone say, “quick, say something funny,” to their friend before snapping a picture of the two of them, their heads tilted back, cackling with carefully orchestrated laughter. To you, pictures don’t have to be posed, or in your case, obviously posed. Screw the status quo! You keep doin’ you, Candid Shot. But if I see one more laughing photo titled, “live, laugh, love,” I’m deleting my Facebook.

The Awkward Crop

So you agree, you think you’re really pretty. Much prettier than your innocent friends you so cruelly cropped out of the photo, that is. Maybe you just wanted a new professional picture for LinkedIn and had to crop your friends out. Maybe they asked to be cropped because they looked foul. Nonetheless, you master the art of the humblebrag by single-handedly making yourself the focal point of the picture. You are known to have an aura of confidence that you often try to mask with modesty. And your favorite Mean Girls quote is definitely, “It’s not my fault you’re like, IN LOVE with me or something!”

The ~Not Even You~ Pic

Let’s face it — if you have a profile picture of 1+ people, and none of those people are you, you’re probably a parent. Unless it’s of your dogs. And you just really love your dogs. I feel that.