How to navigate the bewildering transition to grad school

Remember how your heart sank sophomore year, upon realizing the non-stop social programming, free food, university assurances that ‘you’re important to us,’ and a full RA staff cheering you on were no more?

Think of starting graduate school in sophomore year.

I began my Master’s program at the University of Maryland bright eyed and bushy tailed, hoping to make new fun friends and fill my weekend calendar with exciting DC happenings. Instead, reality presented me with shy house and lab mates, and a day-to-day existence sequestered in the Food Science department’s Marie Mount Hall. Reluctantly on my way to lone wolf status, I felt disillusioned.

A not insignificant amount of introspection led me to conclude that my attitude was the real problem, not graduate school. No one makes friends right away after moving to a new place. Quite honestly, the people I met in freshmen orientation were the ones I spent the rest of the year speed walking past to avoid an awkward hello. People you meet at orientation are similar to people you meet after a Long Island or two. You hit it off so well, but once the buzz dies down, where does the relationship go next?? So, after re-appropriating my expectations, I realized that there are opportunities to connect with others everywhere, and your social network only improves the longer you stick around. You just have to be open to being friends with who is around you.

Maybe the people in your grad program aren’t the personality types you’d normally hang out with. But I bet there’s something you have in common. Perhaps you and your lab mate both enjoy exercising, and decide to try out a yoga class at the university gym together. Or maybe your fellow TA is also a coffee addict, and you can coordinate Starbucks runs. It’s definitely trickier to meet people outside your program, since most of your classes are department-only. I’d say don’t stress over it too much, but look for opportunities to pursue activities you enjoy. Intervarsity bible study has given me dear friends from different graduate departments. A stint of tennis lessons offered by UMD’s Recreation & Wellness gave me a Venezuelan practice partner with a wicked serve.

Our experience is undeniably going to be different than that of undergraduates. To start with, we’re probably too old to get our kicks beer-slicked at the college bars, except as an exercise in investigative journalism. And yes, we can’t casually wear the Adidas trefoil and mesh cut out leggings to class, as much as yours truly would love to. But we aren’t your grey-bearded physics teacher who rolls up to class in black socks and sandals just yet. It’s tough to define our space, somewhere between student and professional, grown yet still learning. This space, though, is actually rather exciting to be in. We are the ones grading students papers, leading their recitation courses, answering their tough questions, and/or beefing up the university’s research resume with our dissertation work. And for what does higher education exist, but to prepare students and uncover new knowledge?

So stick in there, and remember that even though your stipend is small enough to be eligible for food stamps, your work is important. To students, to your university, to higher education, and to the glorious quest to better understand this world we all inhabit.