The types of people you run into balling at the gym
Just because we’re number two in basketball doesn’t mean you are
I’ve been playing basketball here at the gyms around campus for two and a half years now. You always run into some distinct characters pretty much every time you play here and they’re easy to spot.
The next time you roll up to play basketball, take look at the team on the court.These are the people you’re going to see:
The BBYO Baller
He was the best player back at his local JCC at home (or so he claims). He may not be tall but he makes up for it with practice. He played in high school as an outside threat and has set up a tent at the corner three. He can’t drive or make contested layups, but don’t leave him open from the arc or he’ll make you pay.
The bodybuilder
He dreams of being a bodybuilder and claims to lift 10 days a week. Sure, he’s in good shape, but the tank he cut himself is definitely not warranted. His shot is always off because he lifts before he plays. Do you even lift bro?
Okay maybe he lifts, but dude definitely can’t dunk
The lax bro
He wears his high school lax gear to the gym every time. He’s really athletic, but he has zero basketball knowledge. You’ll hate being on his team, but he’s even harder to play against. Fouls are not something he understands.
The player coach
He considers himself the Phil Jackson of the campus. He yells his commands from the top of the key and if you don’t do it, he lets you hear it. Who calls a huddle in pick up basketball? This guy.
The old timer
He remembers when basketball was played by “real” players. He thinks some obscure player from before the NBA was the greatest of all time and won’t let you forget it. Everyone respects him, but you secretly don’t want him on your team.
The girl
It’s a lose-lose situation. You either let her win and she gets mad you didn’t try, or you actually ball hard against her and you look like a tool. Just try to not be matched up on her.
She’s better than you think
The high school superstar
He’s really good at basketball. Not college level, but really good. It probably helps he’s a Comm major and spends all his free time at the gym. He’s a sore winner, but an even worse loser. It’s very possible he may have actually peaked in high school.
Yup he totally peaked in high school
The accessories guy
He’s really mediocre, but his basketball gear is always up to date. He comes to the gym in the newest Jordans every time. He wears an arm sleeve and a headband because he claims it helps with his game.