Life in Kelowna is a permanent vacation

Kelowna life is, in one word, a vacation. Beaches, wineries, restaurants, and golf courses all contribute to the growing economy. Everyone enjoys biking, sun-tanning, and floating on the lake. There’s mountain biking, motorcycles, luxury cars, yachts, and lots of other expensive things to crash.

Summers are always action-packed and juicy, and saying that we know how to party is the ultimate understatement.

The California of Canada

Kelowna is the middle city on a 135 kilometer lake in southern British Columbia, Canada.  The population doubles in the summer, and there’s rumors that 2 million people travel through our valley during tourist season. Fun fact: We are located in a desert climate — yes, surprising that Canada could have a desert climate. She is hot, dry and has the highest growth rate of any city in the nation.

Okanagan Lake

Napa of the North

We’re the proud home of western Canada’s wine country. The vines run the entire 250 km valley all the way to Osoyoos, where the tractors literally have to turn around at the US border to come back. The city hosts world-class corporate operations and family-owned boutique vineyards. Lisa always needs help come crush season, and knows which bottles are the best to sip.  

Grape harvest with Lisa and Andy at Spierhead Winery

But babe, we’re drinking

Every summer night, there is always something happening. Day drinking on a patio, cruiser bike pub crawl or a backyard BBQ with coolers full of beer. Sorry, liver. Sunset yachting, live music in the park, or local bands playing to packed crowds. Choose your poison: alcohol, coke, ketamine, molly — it’s all here.  

Posters from the best nights out

Weekend brunch is religion

With great artisans, farmers, and brewmasters. The market is the place to be Saturday morning. Sunglasses hide the pain behind your eyes from Fridays dance floor. Sunday Caesar cures most aches. Yes, it’s wedding season. Keep those eyebrows on point. Let’s go on Bachelorette wine tour in matching outfits with dick straws and all. Need a custom cake? There’s this chick who makes Black Market Wedding Cakes…ME!  

Jayelle’s black market wedding cake, featuring a new flavor for each layer

Which way to the beach?

Pick one. We’ve got sandy, rocky, dog-friendly, kid-friendly, nude-friendly, cliff jumping-ready, hike-in only, or boat access only. Pro tip: be nice to people who own boats. Open alcohol is not permitted, but large to-go cups are! The beach bike police check coolers, so just dig a hole in the ground and lay your blanket over it. Center of Gravity brings 30,000 people to our lakefront City Park for a sport-fueled music festival. This year we grabbed patio seats and watched the parade of messed-up partygoers take over the downtown.

It’s a Tuesday boat party

Struggle City

Young people in Kelowna struggle to find fair paying year round employment. Year after year, there’s high demand for talent to sign contracts in the spring but once October hits, opportunities dry up. The separation between blue collar and white collar is vast. There are $12 million summer homes and mobile trailers for a quarter of a million. Many businesses go bankrupt in the winter and a majority of wage earners live paycheck to paycheck. Homelessness is in your face. Leon and Lawrence Streets double as late night club scene, and also hub for soup kitchens and shelters.  There is huge amount of Fentanyl on the streets which is 80 times stronger than morphine. Declared as a public health crisis in Canada.  This year 27 people have died in Kelowna from cocaine or other recreational drugs laced with Fentanyl. Not everything is perfectly sunny in Kelowna. 

Then the birds fly south

When the first leaves turn red, retired snowbirds head back to Palm Springs which leaves locals counting the days ’til snow falls and Big White Resort opens. Must have full kit new season gear to look sick waiting for the chair lift. The rest of us dirtbags can be found deep in the trees, park, or steep deep black diamond runs. That desert climate in the winter allows for deep powder to fall.  Some days it billows up and into your goggles like magic sparkling faerie dust champagne — just remember to not smash into trees. Kelowna Rockets Hockey team crush opponents from all over the west. Talented past players include Shae Weber. Xoxo. Hometown legend.

Blue Bird afternoon session

Opening day gang photo at the ski hill

This energy builds as the snow melts, finally made it through another dark winter. We broke and our pasty white skin needs the sun. In tall order are backyard parties, juicy peaches, good music, and great friends. Sunshine tax stings, but a small price to pay to live in a place like this. What’s bittersweet is that while people indulge in drugs, they risk the chance it might be their last night.  Everyone wants a slice of the Okanagan summer. Kelowna sucks. All of these photos are fake.

Don’t move here. It’s a shit place to live.