Why upcoming freshmen should totally not choose JMU

Good people, a beautiful campus and fun parties? No thanks

If you’re considering making JMU your new home, think carefully! You won’t want to make a wrong decision. I mean, college is where you’ll be spending the next four years of your life. Is JMU — the most beautiful, friendly, lively and fun university a fit for you? Probably not. Here’s why.

The people are nice… too nice.

If you are slow to master your way around campus, there’s no doubt someone will help you find your way. You will get to where you need to be so quickly, that you won’t know what to do with yourself the entire rest of the day. Instead of using up a whole day to wander around like a lost puppy, you will have so much extra time on your hands! I mean, what are you suppose to do with all that time? Study or something? Beats me. That’s exhausting.

You can actually trust leaving your wallet somewhere.

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I mean, come on. Is my wallet not good enough to steal?

Does anyone actually like getting distracted by cute, fluffy things?

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There will be frequent dogs playing on the Quad and various other parts of campus at random times. It’s almost impossible to walk past them all and NOT have an intense urge to skip class. If we’re choosing either play with dogs or go to class, I think it’s obvious which one would win. Say goodbye to your GPA!

Free junk takes up too much space

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Constant freebies will be given out during parts of the year. Free shirts, free candy, food, pens, buttons, stickers and so on will force you to take even more stuff back to your dorm that you definitely don’t need or have room for. Free stuff is such a burden, I know.

How can you be expected to get work done with views like this?

View from Carrier Library

View from Carrier Library

It’s super easy to get distracted by the beautiful scenery of JMU, like the mountains that surround campus, that you might start running into some people, tripping or go the complete wrong way. How embarrassing.

Decisions are hard when there’s this much to do

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There is so much to do at JMU and that Harrisonburg in general has to offer. On weekends, how can you even decide what fun things to do or where to go and explore? It’s not like there’s an awesome gym, numerous parks, unique places to eat and countless places to go adventuring or anything. You’re better off not doing anything at all. Too much thinking involved. Hard pass.

Coffee becomes life

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Coffee will turn into your blood-type. It’s addicting. Very dangerous. Very necessary. That is all.

Who really likes parties anyway?

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The party scene is constant. Every single night of the week, you are sure to find something going on. Having a “college experience” at college? That’s just pure insanity.

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