Everything you know if you’re from Calvert County

If I told you my hometown shares the same street as the White House, what kind of town would you imagine? Would you picture grand, white marbled buildings amongst clean, wide streets? Would you envision five-star restaurants on every street corner? How about powerful people dressed in business suits hustling to reach their next meeting? This sounds reasonable, right? Wrong.

Here is a glimpse into what Southern Maryland’s Calvert County actually looks like.

We have Walmart! Well, one Walmart.

Considering the nearest shopping mall is thirty minutes north in Annapolis, your best bet for shopping in Calvert County is our local Walmart. It often does not have what you are looking for, but it does the job. Don’t mistake it for a Super Walmart—we’re not that special.

Boardwalk or senior citizen jogging lane?

The largest tourist attraction is the North Beach Boardwalk. It is whopping 0.5 miles in distance, but if you walk it twice, you will have yourself a whole mile. While tourists may find the boardwalk as an exciting feature, older folks are just waiting for them to make way so they can finish their run.

Midnight bowl

Unless you are at the mall or at a friend’s house, you probably aren’t out at all. But there is always that one time trip to the bowling alley. Saturday nights, Lord Calvert Bowl offers a special “midnight bowl” discount, and if you’re lucky, they’ll turn on the disco ball. You surely won’t find John Travolta on their dance floor, but you’ll most likely run into your grandmother and your friends’ grandmothers… But hey, at least they have good nachos.

Fast and Furious meets Walmart parking lot

If disco themed bowling with your grandmother isn’t thrilling enough, check out the car show hosted in the local Walmart parking lot on Thursday nights. Even though they are the same old-fashioned cars shown week-to-week, it gives you a valid excuse to snag a McFlurry from the McDonald’s next door.

We Proudly Serve… tobacco.

Even though most farmers participated in the state tobacco buyout several years ago because of its decreasing popularity, Calvert County still proudly grows it anyway. In fact, we are so proud of our cash(less) crop that it is represented on our county flag.

“Look at all those chickens.”

Looking to treat yourself to a night out by the water? Located a few streets up from the boardwalk sits Traders Seafood, Steak, and Ale. Seafood and steak is not all that they serve, though. Monday nights, Traders offers fried chicken and peach cobbler for only $9.99. If you choose to enjoy your chicken and cobbler outside, you will find yourself with a view of the North Beach Waterpark and a stoplight.

Not your average waterpark

As the hottest middle school hangout spot, this popular waterpark offers two slides and five-minute ride on the lazy river. If you aren’t that cool middle school kid hanging out at the park, you’re probably that broke high school student working in the lifeguard stand or behind the snack counter.

Get up, it’s fair day

Calvert County does not only stop for Monday Night Football, but it also puts life on hold for the Calvert County Fair. In fact, the public school system gives a day off to students so that they can take advantage of the youth discount offered on the second day of the fair’s opening.

Ace vs. Sneade’s

If you are not from the area, most people refer to the hardware store as “Ace.” But if you have been graced with the prestigious title as a Calvert County townie, you know that it is called “Sneade’s.” This local hardware store is no Home Depot, but it provides what you need for a reasonable price.

My hometown has redefined “southern living” with its outdated recreational activities, underdeveloped shopping centers and cheap restaurants, but it is the sight of all of these familiar landmarks that tells me I am home.