To the incoming JMU freshman class
Welcome to the greatest school on earth
In honor of your acceptance into the third greatest university in the country (#1 in our hearts), we’ve decided to answer a few common questions and address some popular rumors about this beautiful school.
Yes, stealing Quad bricks is a thing…no we are not delinquents.
If you’ve ever been on a tour of West Campus, you’ll often find maintenance filling in holes in the sidewalks. This is because drunk and even sober students will take bricks from the sidewalks during their haul back from their last frat basement or late night takeout pickup. You can use them as doorstops, decoration, protection against intruders (they make a pretty heavy rock), etc., but with them we take a piece of JMU with us always.
I cannot emphasize enough how seriously we take holding the door open.
Even though this should be a natural curtesy, too many people take holding the door open for granted. But speaking from the perspective of someone who was having a bad day and accidentally slammed the door on girl with crutches, you do NOT want to be that asshole. It gives you the chance to wink at the hot guy/girl behind you, keeps the flow of traffic into Carrier moving, and can honestly just brighten someone’s day. So be a good person and just do it people.
Buy tupperware!
Because you’re about to learn what being a broke college student means, I’m about to tell you a secret: “all you can eat” in the dining halls really means “all you can carry out for later.” Fruit is easy because you don’t need a container, but if you want to take the good stuff (chicken nuggets are served on Thursdays ladies and gents) you need plastic get away boxes.
Don’t be scared of the D-hall Dash.
Speaking of dining halls, there’s a joke around campus that D-hall laces its food with laxatives to “keep us clean,” but don’t worry, they don’t. However! You will be pooping within the next 30 minutes after eating there…sometimes earlier or later, but like clockwork it always comes. This shouldn’t deter you because the food is awesome (emphasizing the chicken nuggets again for good measure) but to this day no one knows what’s in that food.
Walk through the Commons at your own risk.
The patio area outside D-hall is called the Commons, where every student organization and sports team fundraises and promotes their passion through flyers, singing, free t-shirts, and even pie-ing people’s faces. They always approach with a smile, however like vultures they will flag you down so be prepared when you go through there…
Also side note there’s a really sweet homeless man who likes to sit on a cooler and make bracelets in the Commons, please talk to him if you have the time he’s such a sweet guy and it always makes his day!
Dress down day is everyday (unless you’re at a day party!)
There are two types of people on the first day of school: the ones in their best outfit ready to make a good impression and the ones still hungover from FROG week who refuse to acknowledge the beginning of another year. However, by day 2 everyone comes together like the united school we are in their pajamas and grungy workout clothes because in reality, nobody actually cares what you’re wearing. So embrace the slippers and leave the extravagant stuff at home.
Meet Officer Conley
If you’re every approached by a middle-aged, bald cop rocking a sick pair of Ray Bans, don’t be scared or creeped out! Even if he does have a huge smile, this is Officer Conley, a fundamental heart on campus. He’s been here so long he has to have 2 Facebook pages to hold all of his friends. He’ll remember your name and always give you the scoop on the latest drama.
Disclaimer: he’s still a real cop…so be smart!
The JMU Bus App is the best $0.99 you will ever spend.
The bus system is great for getting between campuses for back-to-back classes and avoiding the long trek to Memorial. It can get pretty cramped in the winter so be prepared so share some body heat, but with the app you can find a bus from anywhere at anytime. Just download it from the App Store!
Trivia time! Did you know if you get hit by a JMU Transit bus or service vehicle you get automatic free tuition? That’s not suppose to encourage you to run into the road people, use the crosswalks.
RESPECT university staff members.
It goes without saying that a lot of employees on campus don’t get the appreciation they deserve for the work they put in. The kitchen staff in the dining halls, the custodians in the dorms and lecture buildings, and the grounds maintenance who keep our fields recreation ready and sidewalks ice-free. College students are gross. We don’t realize the time and effort they put in to make this school as beautiful as it is. So take the time to talk to the person making your sandwich, and learn the name of the custodian cleaning your dorm’s bathroom, they’re the real MVP’s. They think you’re rude? Don’t think they won’t spit in your food or “forget” to restock your toilet paper!!
These quirky facts make up only some of the many reasons we all love this school, and we are SO excited to welcome our new family to the ‘burg. Get ready for the time of your lives little ones.