All the weird things that make us love JMU

“JMU! JMU! Duuuuuuukes.” Alrighty there! Shut up. That’s the worst sound in the world.  But it’s also the most beautiful sound in the world because it makes us think of the most mystical place in the world: James Madison University.

Through my years here, I have come across a number of strange but wonderful things happening on campus. I’m going to go through a list of them and explain why they made me love JMU.

Lady walking her cats in a stroller

One time on the quad, a lady walked her cats in a stroller. That’s not a creepy innuendo. That really happened. When I first saw it I had a few thoughts. “Is this woman lost?” “Does she know that’s a cat in her stroller? Perhaps she left her baby at home and he/she is currently playing with catnip or pooping in a litter box.” Then it occurred to me – maybe this woman was okay. Maybe she was just walking her cat in a stroller because she wanted to. Maybe her cat wanted to. I don’t know. Regardless, this woman wheeled those pussy cats around like it was nobody’s business. Why did that make me love JMU? Because I don’t go to other colleges a lot but I truly think that event was a JMU original. What is even better is that I didn’t see anyone go up to that woman and roll their eyes or slap her across the face and say “FOR GOD SAKE WOMAN GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER THERE’S A CAT IN YOUR STROLLER!”

Students sang until hate disappeared EVERYWHERE!!!

Homophobic Preacher

I hate homophobic preachers and you know who else does? JMU. That’s right my sexy little dukes, you are the reason the world might just become a less hateful place. Although it’s obvious that consensual love between two people of the same gender is a sin because the Bible said so, let’s just take a step back. It is 2016 and as it turns out, there are worse crimes than loving a person. I was abroad when this happened but I saw the YouTube videos of this guy prancing around screaming about “evil gay stuff” or whatever and all those cute little Dukes lined up and said “Hey mister, get off our campus. Ain’t no room for ya’ll homophobes here.” I added the ya’ll to make it more authentically JMU. I also might have gotten 90% of that wrong because I haven’t seen the video in its entirety and that was a long time ago. Regardless, it made me love our campus even more because here we say “EVERYONE IS ALLOWED!”

I appreciate it but f*** you

People hold doors for you

This one is fantastic. I’ve never not had a door opened for me. In fact, I’m not even sure I’ve touched a door at JMU. As I’m typing this I’m starting to wonder if it’s because only the right person has the power and if I open it, it’ll be led to Hell or worse, Narnia. If that theory is wrong however, the door holding means that JMU is adorable. Even though I might be in the Forbes tunnel, you can bet your ass that someone at Wilson is holding the door for me. Although I have to drop my backpack and sprint at full speed to get there, I appreciate the favor. I usually pass out by the time I arrive but just know fellow door-holding Duke, I would say thank you if I were conscious.

Hello cat. Just wait until night. Everyone will be joining the party.

The overall sense of community

This example may not be known to all of you and it isn’t directly on the JMU campus but it is near the campus which is close enough. When I moved to Stonegate there was a stray cat. For the record, I believe that cats are earth-bound demons. Nonetheless this isn’t about my hatred of felines. It’s about how some lovely person put out cat food for Mr. Fuzzy Satan Pants. That to me says community. It doesn’t stop there. Next time I came back to that food bowl for the devil, there were four more hellacious monsters meowing about like they didn’t give a damn. What does that say?  You guessed it. Community.  But that isn’t the most beautiful part. As we all know, cats are the leading segregationists in the animal kingdom, but not Harrisonburg Cats a.k.a. JMU Cats, because cats are not mennonites and definitely didn’t go to EMU. When I came back there was a groundhog. I pulled the groundhog aside and said “Hey buddy, you’re not a cat.” He grabbed my arm, stared into my eyes and said “We are all cats young grasshopper.” Chills went down my spine and I walked away, speechless. “Finally you’re done with this dumb story,” you incorrectly say. Next time I came at night and there was a skunk. It smelled like crap and I wanted to vomit but I still appreciated the growing sense of community. Then recently I thought “Surely the sense of community in Harrisonburg can’t be any more prevalent.” Wrong again. Now there’s a raccoon. Seriously though. Now I’m done. But I’m sure by tonight there will be a caribou chowing down on some cat food.

Anyways, I realize all of that went on too long and I apologize. The point is, James Madison University is adorable. And aside from minor Trump Rock incidences and maybe some disgusting covered up scandal or two, I would say this is a pretty darn loving school. I feel very lucky to have gone here for the past four years and if anyone is reading this who is thinking about coming here, come here. Peace out Duke bitches.