A letter to anyone suffering/who has suffered from an eating disorder
From someone who has seen it firsthand
Living with someone close to me who has suffered from an eating disorder has been a difficult experience to say the least, but more importantly it has been a learning experience. My first thought was somewhat self-imposed—if they think they’re fat, then I must be a whale in their mind. Then I thought, how could they do this. If my love for experiencing delicious food and meals is constantly circling my brain, how could they deprive themself or obsess over something like food.
But then I learned this is about so much more than food or the number on the scale or even the number on MY scale. Since I do not have an eating disorder, I can’t sit here and write words about a disorder in which I only have second-hand knowledge. However, I can write this:
To those who have suffered or who are currently suffering from an eating disorder:
As mentioned, I have not suffered from an eating disorder so please listen to this from an outsider’s perspective. Yet, not just from any outsider—but from an outsider who cares, admires and loves you so incredibly deeply. The world is a crazy place full of unpredictable chaos, uncertainty, and sometimes, it can be downright cruel. I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. However, I’d be doing you and myself an injustice by discounting the inevitable beauty in this crazy world: the sunrise over the ocean, a baby’s first steps, or the sound of pure laughter. But something you probably don’t notice or see is YOUR beauty.
Beauty is more than your physical appearance. And boy, oh boy, you are beautiful. If only you could see yourself the way I see you, then maybe you would see how truly astonishing you are. The only thing I would change about you is that you see your reflection in the mirror as I see you. Your smile, radiating heart, glowing skin, sparkling eyes—all a sign of your beating heart. You are alive, you’re living,and this is your life. As much as I wish I could hit “pause” every now and then, the show goes on with or without you.
From what I understand (and again, I’m sorry if I’m wrong), it seems as though a lot of eating disorders are more about control than about being “skinny.” It is a way to have control in your life—if nothing else if going right, you can make sure this aspect of your life is going correctly. Yet, eating disorders aren’t innocent ways to create control in your life, they are deadly. One missed meal becomes two and keeping track of calories starts to obsessively take over your mind. I just hope you realize you are so loved—it is cliché but don’t you ever forget how loved you are. So, even if it is scary and means you must be vulnerable, ask for help, talk to someone, confide in someone, and write in a diary. Your body is your only body. Your heart is your only heart and when it stops beating there is no “rewind” button. Change doesn’t happen overnight; after all we’re only human. But I just hope each and everyday when YOU look in the mirror, you no longer think of what you ate or didn’t eat, but how beautiful you are and how deeply loved you are.
From those who hate to see you suffer and want nothing more than to help,
Me
I understand asking for help may be the scariest idea in your world, so I have included the number of a hotline. It may be weird to talk to a complete stranger, but talking anonymously to a stranger may help more than keeping your thoughts blocked in your own mind. 1-800-931-2237