What it’s like having social anxiety at a party school

You realize how pathetic your life is, when you’re not born with the gift of gab and you’re stuck in a social event that focuses solely on networking and outreaching. I always thought I had mastered the art of actively avoiding small talks and dodging group conversations, until I stepped into college.

The horror of socializing began with the orientation week. The tormenting series of icebreakers and forcefully funny “fun facts about myself ” had sucked every ounce of energy inside of me. Even finding some leisurely moments of solitude in my dorm room was a struggle since my roommate would always be up on her toes to narrate her entire day as soon as I stepped into the room.

Introverts comprise of 30% of the general population and I am proud to be a part of this small section of fuzzy insightful people. While all the freshmen were sprinkling with joy and energy all around me, each one of us trying to make this place our home, I could only find my peace of mind and happiness in empty study rooms and deserted basements.

I gradually realized that most of the friendship bonds formed on campus solely depended on the pillars of small talk and occasional greetings on bumping into each other. The more communicative you are, the less invisible you become. However, my problem was odd since I was pretty comfortable with being unnoticed. Until I realised what I was missing out on.

When you go to school in a country that’s half way around the world, and you are oceans away from you family, you need a community to survive. Studying in a different country was all about the adventure, the thrill of meeting people, going places and conquering your fears, no giving into them. After all, humanity is not as despicable as I thought it was.

I watched myself slowly uncoil from my comfort zone. I liked the way I was blending in with the others. Social events and parties felt like taking the SAT’s all over again. It was hard but my and courage paid off well, when I’d make some new interesting friends each time I decided to take the brave step of attending a party or social reception.

I started to devise new ways to quietly escape a party or a social event, when things would become too uneasy for me. I found ways to make small talk interesting and insightful. I was also amazed by how comfortable everybody else was with these pointless babbles about himself or herself. I found the balance between preserving my own individuality and conforming to the society.

Icebreakers, fun facts and small talk are still as despicable to me as they were before. But JMU hit right on my Achilles heel and pushed me to discover my own unique style of socializing, where I didn’t need to stifle my creative and expressive thoughts or blend into the monotone of endless jibber-jabber. I am glad to have found a whole new set of exciting social circle and my life has never been better.