Stop acting like JMU is a southern school

I am sorry Northerners, but when you told your friends and family you were going to a southern school, you were wrong. This may be MORE southern to you than what you’re used to, but JMU is not southern.

I am from Pennington Gap, VA. I know your first thought is probably something like, “Uh, if you’re from Virginia, you’re not a Southerner.” You are wrong again.

Pennington Gap is almost six hours away from JMU, on the very tip of Virginia, right beside both Tennessee and Kentucky. My tiny town has approximately 1,800 residents and we’re located right in the Appalachian mountains. And no, it’s not pronounced App-uh-lay-shin, it’s pronounced App-uh-latch-un, just trust me on this one. Four-wheelers can drive through town, we have a total of 10 restaurants (my county only has 15 – including these 10) winter consists of hunting, and summer consists of fishing or floating.

Pennington Gap doesn’t have a movie theater, bowling alley, a mall or anything. I have to drive a minimum of one hour to Tennessee, not even Virginia, to reach a mall. And it’s a really crappy one. We don’t even have a hospital, for crying out loud – the closest one is 40 minutes away. My driveway is gravel, a mountain is my backyard and a few acres and a river is my front. Pennington Gap is the definition of Southern.

Since I arrived at JMU, I’ve heard people speak of how southern it is. I guess people assume that holding doors open for others and mountains being nearby classifies an area as southern, because I can’t think of one other reason as to why people claim that it is. I can, though, name a million reasons as to why JMU is, in fact, northern. But I’ll just stick with 20.

1. Coke actually means Coke.

When we say Coke in the South, we mean pop in general – or soda, as you all say.

2. The majority of JMU’s population has never even heard of chicken and dumplings.

This one actually hurts my soul. This information haunts me every day – what if I had never been exposed to chicken and dumplings? That’s not a life that I want to live.

3. Everyone is surprised to hear a country accent.

Can you really argue that this is a southern school if those with southern accents get laughed at on a daily basis? Please.

4. Muddin’, huntin’, explorin’, fishin’, and ridin’ (four-wheelers) is ALL there is to do in my little southern town. Unless you want to go chill at Walmart.

Harrisonburg has tons to do, and although there are hiking trails, it’s nothing like where I’m from. You hike in your Patagonia and we hike in our cut-off t-shirt, shorts, and boots. I don’t know a lot of people who have hobbies like many from the South do. And no, we really don’t say the g’s.

5. People act like the world has ended when I call a shopping cart a buggy.

I honestly had no idea that people do not refer to them as buggies… That’s all I’ve ever known. When I travel south, through Georgia and Alabama, this is common language too.

6. Everyone thinks that Harrisonburg is tiny and sad.

Uh… what? I am so overwhelmed in Harrisonburg that it makes me want to scream. Too many cars, too many people, too many lights and roads, and this is supposedly small and sad?

7. The biscuits and gravy at D-hall and E-hall bring nothing, but shame to the table.

Almost every one of my friends here at JMU had never even heard of biscuits and gravy before I came along. That being said, that’s probably why JMU’s are so bad. But believe me, southern biscuits and gravy trump every other single food in the entire universe, even chicken and dumplings.

8. It’s not a normal thing to see a jacked-up Diesel with smoke stacks and a Cummins sticker roll up on campus.

Listen, you’ll never understand until you see it first hand. Trucks are apparently one of the most important things in life, and are occasionally the deciding factor in if you should date someone in my town. Yes, it’s true.

9. Everyone does not know everyone.

In the South, or at least in my little southern town, it’s pretty common to know everyone, what they done last night, and who they’re great, great, once-removed, step-brother’s uncle is. You get the point.

10. Cowboy boots are a fashion statement – and those are your only pair.

You mean to tell me that you only have one pair of boots, and wear them with your dresses instead of dried mud and the occasional mix of animal feces? Okay then.

11. “God Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.”

You mean you haven’t heard this saying? Exactly, because it’s extremely common southern slang, and you’re not in the South.

12. It actually blows everyone’s minds that people can be kind and hold the door open for others.

Like what? I’ve been seeing people do this since I was born, and I’ve been actively participating since I could walk. JMU seriously advertises this to prospective students and their families, and although it is obviously wonderful, I’ve never understood the hype. This is just normal to me.

13. Cowboy hats are a rarity.

Cowboy hat, flannel, pointy-toed cowboy boots and you’re ready to roll in the South. For many men I know, my boyfriend in particular, that’s their dressing up outfit.

14. “Bless your heart!”

This is probably one of the most common things for Southerners to say, especially women. It has a million meanings. Somebody trying to steal your boyfriend? Bless your heart. Are you holding the cutest newborn baby on the planet? Bless your heart. Is a girl giving you attitude? Bless your heart. Did your brother just fall down the stairs? Bless your heart. Can’t say I’ve heard it once at JMU – wonder why?

15. Nascar is not a big deal.

Are you kidding me? Raise hell, praise Dale!

16. If someone plays country music, you either see people cringe or hear sighs of disgust.

A southern school that hates country music? I don’t think so.

17. Your so-called “sweet tea” is not even sweet.

Yes, I am being that not annoying person who says this – but I’m being serious. Even your extra sweet tea is on the low side.

18. Ridin’ around isn’t a thing.

In my home town, that’s all anyone does. Most plans consist of riding through town and down backgrounds for a few hours at some point – that was what me and my boyfriend did the first time we hung out. It’s usually weird and stupid to all of those who just ain’t from the South.

19. Ain’t. Y’all. Yuns. Youngins. Yonder.

Every sentence has one of those words in them when you speak to someone from the South. You may hear the occasional ain’t and y’all at JMU, but that’s usually for one of the three reasons: someone wants to sound country (Southern), you are in the presence of one of the true Southern JMU students, or someone is making fun of one of those students.

20. Let me just give a few more examples of Southern slang that you don’t hear at JMU.

Fixin’ to = I’m going to. Pocketbook = purse. Supper = dinner. Crick = creek. Britches = bottoms. Gussied up = dressed up. Raisin’ cane = causing trouble. Reckon = I guess so.

Let’s not forget about “How’s your moninem?” = How’s your mom and them? Ya always got to ask about mom first. I could honestly go on all day.

I’ve lived in my little southern town since the day I was born. Like I said, Harrisonburg may be MORE southern than what you’re used to, but it’s not southern. People claiming that JMU is a southern school just don’t understand, I guess.