I didn’t wear make-up for a month

Society tells me that I need to wear makeup and fix my “flaws” for me to be beautiful. Society is wrong.

Towards the end of high school, I gradually started wearing more and more makeup. I became more aware of my “flaws” – my thin eyebrows, blotchy skin, break-outs, and especially the bags under my eyes.

 

Once I got to JMU, my self-love problem was something I could no longer ignore. It haunted me every day. I eventually reached the point where my options were either to wear makeup or feel horrible and hide my face all day long, hoping nobody would see me.

When I wouldn’t wear makeup, I also wouldn’t feel “worthy enough,” I guess you could say, to wear nice clothes. What’s the point in dressing up if you look at my face and it looks like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck? Bad looking face = bad looking clothes (or basically just pajamas in my case.)

I even tried to avoid using Snapchat and I rarely took any pictures with others or of myself. I didn’t want to see how I looked because how I looked without product on my face made me feel bad about myself. It still sounds crazy to me, and probably to all of you, but it was the truth. And I guarantee that many other people probably struggle with this issue, whether they recognize it or not.

Society tells us that it is beautiful to be perfect. Their perfect. Yeah, there are those few companies who support self-love and positive body image, but the negatives out-weigh the positives by a long shot.

Now, we are told to highlight and contour our faces to make our cheek bones more prominent, a few spots on our faces a little brighter, and sculpt our nose to make it look more acceptable. It’s now a thing to contour your collar bones and breasts, for crying out loud. Your eyebrows also need to be filled in and shaped – but don’t forget, the product has to match your hair color perfectly – or else you’re ridiculous.

Eye shadow has to be blended to perfection or else your picture will be screenshot and sent in a group message, and if you can tell that you have a bit of foundation on due to a slight discoloration, you’re laughed at – even though people will occasionally comment on your skin if you don’t (happened to me plenty of times.)

Pictures are plastered all over social media of celebrities who aren’t perfect. “Wow, she has so much acne. You can even see it when she does wear makeup.” We are humans. We are imperfect.

Instagram comments pour in when you post an all-natural selfie, but not because you’re beautiful in your own skin, just because “you’re so brave” for doing it.

Brave? To post a picture of how I really look?

Posting a picture of my real face shouldn’t require bravery.

Thankfully, one day I decided that I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. I didn’t want to think that I had to wear makeup to feel beautiful. The idea terrified me, but despite my mind trying to convince me otherwise, I decided to go makeup-free for an entire month.

The first week of my no-makeup month was mainly spent in my dorm or out in the snow-pocalypse that JMU fell victim to. Although it wasn’t too bad due to the fact that there were no classes and I didn’t have to socialize, I still hated looking at myself in the mirror. The next week, though, would completely open my eyes.

I woke up later than usual every day (which was awesome) but I spent all of my time sulking in negative thoughts: people are going to think I’m tired, they’re going to see my breakouts, my eyebrows look terrible, I can’t stand seeing my blotchy skin, and the list of thoughts goes on and on. I even found myself wearing my glasses more than usual, doing anything I could to cover up some of my face since I couldn’t with makeup.

After my first few days, I felt incredibly defeated. Of course my skin felt healthier and getting to lay down in bed without taking makeup off was amazing, but that didn’t hide the fact that I couldn’t even look at my real face and tell myself that I was beautiful. All that I could think about were my features that society tells me aren’t good enough. I couldn’t comfortably look at myself in the mirror.

That soon changed. Within the next few weeks, I constantly reminded myself that everyone isn’t made to look the same. We’re not all created to have the same perfect eyebrows, or the same clear skin, or the same plumped-up lips. Someone was made to love me for me – and that person is me.

Every day got easier. I stopped hiding myself and opened back up again. I actually gave other people the chance to love this me instead of pushing them away because I didn’t.

I remember laughing with a friends in one of my classes for the first time this month and feeling as if I finally beat this issue. I felt beautiful because I was being me with one of my friends, not because of makeup on my face.

Once I realized that I am not defined by my outward appearance, life became so much easier. Worry disappeared, anxiety decreased, and happiness was radiating from me. I was proud to be me. And this “no makeup challenge” wasn’t a challenge anymore – I wanted to go without makeup.

Why should I care about the thoughts of those who aren’t even relevant in my life? Should some popular Twitter account have control over the way I feel about myself? Should someone on my Facebook telling me that my eye-shadow isn’t blended properly make me feel self-conscience?

Truth is, no one that mattered to me cared if I was wearing makeup or not. And they never will.

The start of this month were some of the hardest weeks of my life. I had to look at myself in the mirror and realize that I didn’t like myself. But I will forever be grateful for those difficult few weeks, they made me deal with a problem that I didn’t even acknowledge before.

I’ll still continue to see those seemingly perfect girls around campus who have it all together, the praised Kylie Jenner on my Twitter feed, and popular social medias constantly endorsing new ways to make myself “prettier,” but I’ll also be able to look in the mirror and love myself despite it all.

If you simply love to do makeup then I am so happy that you have found what you love to do – I would never want to put someone down for doing something that they love and enjoy – just make sure you love yourself before you cover yourself up.

Makeup will continue to be a part of my life, but it will no longer be a necessary part of my life. I have finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin.

And I can’t wait for the day that being comfortable in our own skin isn’t a hard thing to do.