An ode to all the sober pledges

To the pledges that escort me…

It’s 10:30pm and we are ready to leave for the party. I call. You answer. Score. ‘Hi (insert your name in my most flirty voice)! Are you giving rides tonight? You are?! Perfect! Could you come pick up my sisters and I from the house?’ You agree. So far I love you…

…Until, that is, you tell me how long I have to wait. 30 minutes? You’re joking, yes? Silly you for thinking I was going to wait that long. After my best 30 seconds of coaxing you to come sooner, you’ve agreed to pick us up first. 10 minutes you say. I get the call. You’re lakeside. 5 minutes later my sisters and I pile into your car.

I apologize pledges for all the hard times I’ve given you when you tell me how long the wait is going to be, and for never actually being ready upon your arrival, making you wait. But thank you for always being patient with me.

…Finally in the sober, you hand over the aux. Mistake number one on your part, my friend. I now hold the power for my sisters and I to throw it back and give you the concert you never wanted. I cue up the hits, and for the duration of the ride we sing it at the top of our lungs (whether we know the actual words or not we don’t miss any).

I apologize for the obnoxious singing and the distractions we may be causing you while you’re driving. But thank you for never shutting them down and letting us let our true rocker out!

…Oh, you don’t have an aux cord? Just the radio? I don’t do commercials so turn that shit down. Let’s talk. Yes for the rest of the ride I have accepted the challenge of seeing how many questions I can ask you about your life. I just want to get to know you. On the flip side to this, I am also going to tell you all about my life. You probably don’t know the context behind what my stories are about, but you go along with it anyways. By the time we arrive at the party I’ve made the establishment of our friendship.

I apologize for prying into your life with my little game of twenty questions, but thank you for humoring me, and acting like you’re interested in my life drama anyways.

…Oh dear. You got the lucky job of picking my sisters and I up from the pre game to take us to the party. Already, the dreaming of drunk food is dancing through our heads. Being me, I speak my mind. ‘ Can we get Beny’s?’ Approaching South Main you make the right turn instead of the left to the party. Beny’s here we come! As my heart shoots out of my chest in realization of where you are taking us you’ve officially made my evening.

I apologize for my insane requests during the ride, but thank you for not only filling the request, and my tummy, but for buying our drunk food too! You’re the real MVP.

…It’s the end of the night and you’re back to pick us up. Opps, we may be a little more drinky than we thought. Damn jungle juice. I look to my left and my sister looks like she’s about to vom. SOS. I let you know and magically a trashcan appears on her lap. Into the can, you take the can away from us, and just like that we are on our way home.

I apologize for not always being able to control our consumption, but thank you for staying cool and helping take care of the issue.

I think I can speak for all girls who eagerly await the light up of our phone screens when the sobers’ numbers have finally been sent out. We rely on you guys to stay sober and take us from place to place so that we can have a good night. So we want to thank you. Thank you for always coming to get us. Thank you for getting us to and from the party safely. Thank you for driving me for free. Thank you for ensuring every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and occasionally Monday night, the party scene is a success. I’m not sure how we would survive without y’all.

Sincerely,
All JMU girls