What it’s like to struggle with math anxiety

To those who know me, it’s no secret that I really dislike math. Don’t get me wrong — I can do mental math, some algebraic equations, and long division, but anything past that and I need some serious coaching to get me through. My math anxiety started when I was young, when I had the same teacher for math, social studies and language arts — a sign that maybe that teacher wasn’t exactly qualified as an “expert” in all those subjects. From there, it only grew worse.

In 7th grade, I had Mrs. Chapman, who was a great math teacher… but also, in my mind, the most terrifying human to roam the earth. I was too scared of her to ask any questions, which wasn’t exactly great for someone like me, who needed a lot of help. My 8th grade math teacher was atrocious, so I’ll save him the embarrassment by not mentioning his name.

Then, finally, a math course came along in high school called Algebraic Concepts I & II. It was an algebra class that took two years to complete — we went through each concept more slowly so it could be better understood. It was perfect for someone like me who had struggled with math in the past. Those two years were the best I ever had in math, but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and things started going downhill once again.

Junior year, I was in a geometry class with mostly freshmen and sophomores (and to add insult to injury, an 8th grader). Having to take the same math class as someone 4 years younger than me sank my confidence even lower. As if that weren’t enough, my teacher didn’t seem to give two fucks about his students. I found myself crying night after night struggling to understand geometry, with no help from him. Many days before and after school were spent with my mom, the principal, and the teacher in question, trying to get him to understand I needed extra attention. Sadly, it never worked. (For the record, that teacher left a few years later. You’re welcome.) 

To get into Iowa State, I had to have several years of math, including Algebra 2. It was an absolute nightmare. Not because of the teacher, but just because senioritis had kicked in a bit, and once again I couldn’t understand the math. Luckily, Mrs. Widmar was a wonderful teacher: She always put in that extra hour before or after school to make sure her students got the help they needed. Even with that added help, I still struggled and couldn’t seem to pass a quiz or test to save my life. The final came around and I “passed”… with a D-. I convinced myself I probably really failed, but she felt sorry for me and passed me anyways. Thanks Widmar.

Now, as a senior at Iowa State with 7 weeks to go until graduation, I still struggle with math and would never claim to love the subject. Fortunately, it’s gotten a lot better and I no longer see math as I once did. A special someone (cough Jay cough) has made me realize that just because I hate math doesn’t mean I can’t do well in it. The same goes for any subject — it may be your weak point, but if you believe in yourself, you can tackle anything. College may not be easy, and some classes may threaten to be GPA-ruiners, but with a little effort, you can overcome any school-related anxiety, just like I did.