I’m from Massachusetts, but I’m not a Masshole
Reckless driving, the Red Sox, and wicked good grinders
When traveling from Massachusetts to Iowa for college, I had no idea that the way I did things, the way I talked, and the vocabulary I used would be questioned by the friends I made.
I am sure of the fact that some things I do differ from what people do out here in the Midwest, but I am not what one would define as a “masshole”. And what exactly is a “masshole”, you ask?
We are all reckless drivers
“One hand on the wheel, and one hand on the horn”, is a commonly used phrase by us Massachusetts people.
A typical car ride consists of a driver yelling about how stupid a car was ahead of them, and dinner time conversations proceed to have similar discussions. Little do they know, they themselves have not used their blinker for the past three turns.
They probably have made a few “U-ies”, and have flipped of at least one person for driving to slow, cutting them off, or stopping too long at a stop light. But not all of us can be New York City cab drivers right away. In fact, most of us are idiots when it comes to the rules of the road, myself included.
Soxs, B’s, Pats, and Celts
So your uncle from Boston might have a next door neighbor who named their dog Big Papi after David Ortiz… and you may have heard of a friend who named their goldfish Varitek.
Despite the love we have for our pets, not all of us take it to an extreme. Majority of us go with something more mainstream, like Charlie.
“I told my brothah to pahk the cah.”
Ahh yes, the accent. This is the 21st century people, and Massachusetts has continued to have one of the best education systems in the country.
Of course, we all know that the letter ‘r’ exists, and is the 18th letter in the alphabet!
As a matter of fact, only a small section of the state has the heavy Boston accent many believe us all to carry.
We know nothing about our sports teams.
FALSE. I think we’re all in agreement that Red Sox hold the higher hand when it comes to baseball.. and Brady definitely did NOT deflate a football.
As New Englanders we invest tremendous amounts of time attentive towards our pro teams. Some of us might piss you off before you get to Fenway, or Gillette, but the pride we have for our teams will make you smile right before you walk through the main gate.
Pop means Dad, not soda
“What’s a grinder?”
In Massachusetts, we say things pretty normal, and make what we are doing pretty damn clear.
A grinder is a sub that can either be hot or cold. We also know what a bubbler is: a water fountain. A package store, or the “packie”. Dunkin’ Donuts is referred to as “dunks”, and thats where we get our iced coffee………all year long.
Moral of the story, not all of us from Massachusetts are “massholes”, and very few of us actually have Boston accents.
Yes, we are a little nuts at times, but that’s what makes us fun and exciting.