Houses will do anything to become the top choice for Housing Day

Housing Day, otherwise known as Super Thursday, is upon us and tensions are high between the various houses competing to sway the minds of the Class of 2019 for “Most Wanted House.”

However, with Dunster over 20 points ahead in the polls, other houses are now taking unprecedented actions in the hopes of swaying the opinions of the suggestible freshmen before their housing fate is locked in forever.

Leverett, in an attempt to influence the freshmen who like to have fun, installed a permanent inflatable bouncy house in their dining hall.

“Sure our meals may not be as great as some other houses,” a Leverett senior added, “but we’re not at Harvard for the food. We’re here for the experience, and what better experience than a f***ing bounce house!” To settle some freshmen’s concerns of the bounce house not being Safe Zone Compliant, Leverett announced all bouncers are required to wear safety helmets.

However, Leverett isn’t the only house grasping at straws. After over-hearing many freshmen make the typical claim: “I’m happy anywhere as long as I don’t get Quadded,” Currier offered its residents the promise of free college. After making it clear that his title was now House Dean and not House Master, a Currier representative said: “We’re not entirely sure if it’s feasible, but that doesn’t really matter right now. What does matter is the fact that for the first time ever, some freshmen are actually hoping that they get sorted here!”

Adams House, known for its convenient location in the Square, has proposed a plan to respond to the complaints of its constantly over-crowded dining hall. Adams released in a statement yesterday reading: “We are going to build a wall, and we are going to make Cabot pay for it. Never again will a resident have his seat taken by a Cabot student grabbing a quick free lunch before section in the Yard.” Cabot, still dealing with last year’s email scandal regarding parties at the 10-man, vehemently vowed they would never pay for the wall; Adams responded by promising to make the wall 10 feet taller.

Despite their efforts, it is unlikely that any of the houses will be able to trump Dunster’s lead as the freshmen’s most desired house. With their state-of-the-art workout facility and spacious common areas, some claim Dunster’s only downfall is the eyesore that its neighbor Mather poses to the view from the river.