Think twice before asking your foreign-born friend these questions

Most do not realize that I am “foreign” until they hear me speak on the phone to my mother. As soon as words in another language come out, I see people’s eyes get really big before I am bombarded with a series of questions. Although I usually have no problem answering these questions, some of them are rude and just sound ignorant. Stop and think before asking any of the following questions.

Woah, you are foreign?

Why yes. Yes, I am. Although you might be extremely confused right now and wondering why I have yet to tell you about this, I am wondering why you have never noticed after being friends this long. This unruly blonde hair and green eyes could just be the creation of hair dye and contacts for all you know. America is a melting pot, of different races and ethnicities, so please don’t assume that someone is something, it’s just better to ask.

So why do you not have an accent?

Contrary to popular belief, not all immigrants have an accent. Whether you have an accent or not depends on how old you were when you moved, how long ago the move was and genetics. Those who moved to a country at a younger age are less likely to have an accent simply because children pick up language and sounds better than adults. The amount of time that you have spent in another country also determines whether you have an accent or how thick it will be because practice makes perfect, after all. Genetics also plays a factor because some people are naturally gifted at picking up new languages. I moved to the Florida from Albania when I was six-years old and have lived here for almost fifteen years.

So what do you eat?

Like you, I also eat food. Some of my food is culturally unique because they are Albanian recipes and others are more “American” style foods. Culturally Albanian food can be best described as Greco-Italian-Mediterranean fusion. I was raised eating a variety of soups (who knew there could be so many kinds?) as well as savory pie like food called byrek. Our desserts consisted of various pastries such as  Turkish delight, or llokume as we call them, and our holy grail dessert bakllava (which is pictured below). But yes I eat food, amazing isn’t it?

This is a traditional Albanian dessert known as Bakllava. It takes around 24 hours to make it from start to finish, but during holidays and special occasions this dessert is gladly made.

Are you on welfare?

No, I am not. Being an immigrant does not mean you are on welfare. Although many immigrants probably should be on welfare when first moving to the US, most do not even know about the welfare programs until they no longer qualify for them. Instead, each parent works two to three minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. My parents, like most immigrants, have worked really hard to get my family to where we are today. Today, my mom works in a hospital, but she started out as a cleaning lady in a fast food place. My dad owns a business, but he started out as a dishwasher in a restaurant.

Are you legal?

This question is the one that bothers me the most. Whenever someone hears me speak a foreign language, they go from assuming I am a stereotypical blonde, white American girl to an illegal immigrant.  My family was fortunate enough to have won the visa lottery in the early 2000s, so I came here legally and am now an American citizen, but it doesn’t always work this way. I have no problem talking about my immigration status but that is not always the case. Some came here legally, others illegally, then went through the legalization process, and some are still here illegally. Regardless, this question is a very personal one and frankly none of your business. I don’t ask you about your age, weight or income status, so please don’t ask about my immigration status.

My immediate and extended family.

I know that when friends or acquaintances ask these questions they mean well, however they can sound rude and frankly ignorant. If you admit you know nothing about my culture then proceed to ask me questions about it in an effort to learn, I will gladly answer any question you have without judgement. However, if you make assumptions and expect me to answer your questions a certain way, I will gladly give you a lesson.