Beware of the ‘Broped’ epidemic
Become a part of this trend if you dare
Around campus we have become desensitized about seeing some weird shit. Is that an alligator bathing in the sidewalk? Let me take a Snapchat video!
Most normal college students would run away from said alligator, but not us. That’s because we have something much scarier happening than an alligator terrorizing our streets.
The ‘Broped’ epidemic – You have probably almost been run over by one.
‘Woah man, don’t go over 20, I see UFPD’
The symptoms start slowly…
First, you find yourself buying Sperry’s.
Then come the polo shirts and cargo pants.
Finally, as a rite of passage into frathood, your bro offers you a ride on his moped and the two of you become one, as ‘bropeds.’
Imagine all of the bros these can hold…
Most bropeds max out before 30 mph, making the UF campus perfect to travel around, with our strict 20 mph limit. The slow speeds and long lines of fellow broped Gators make ideal riding conditions, allowing you and your bro to comfortably talk while still effectively moving around the 2,000-acre campus.
‘In all kinds of weather, we all ride together, for F-L-O-R-I-D-A!’
There are whispers in the alleyways about how the scooters are powered, but the most prominent theory is that the scooters themselves do not run on gas, but instead, the sheer combined force of their cis-hetero friendship fuels the engines.
“No homo,” they say to each other before embracing and riding into the night.
‘My ride or die’