Creative ways to spend your Valentine’s Day alone at UF

Not only are you single, but all of your friends have managed to find dates. You on the other hand have failed to seduce anyone with your awkwardness. Well have no fear friends! I’ve developed 10 creative ways to spend this Valentine’s Day alone. Fun fact: I have done nearly ALL of these things, so they are each Katie-tested and Katie-approved. You’re welcome.

Become a personal photographer for your friends who aren’t single.

There’s nothing better than third wheeling with a purpose. Take meaningful pictures of your friends having a good time then receive no credit when they post the photos on social media the next day. Who knows, maybe you’ll establish a successful business photographing couples on national holidays, because obviously you won’t have any plans.

Rearrange your entire dorm while your roommate is at dinner.

Note: Don’t tell your roommate. Better yet, act like nothing happened. That’s what he/she gets for leaving you behind, right? You’re like the family cat that gets pissed after you return from vacation. Except you’re a cat that enjoys playing bizarre psychological games, and your roommate has been gone maybe two hours.

Befriend the stray animals outside your dorm.

Or wild animals, take your pick. Hint: Go at night. Check the garbage cans for trapped possums, follow a raccoon into the woods, maybe feed a feral kitten. Don’t be self-conscious if you notice people staring. What’s it to you? You’re single, remember? This is probably why.

Spend the entire day at Marston.

AKA sleep the entire day away in the Marston basement. Maybe watch one lecture. Maybe check every social media account every fifteen minutes. Maybe eat every meal at Starbucks.

Order a dozen midnight cookies then eat them all yourself.

You can even use voice inflections on the phone to pretend there are several different people ordering, or turn on a radio in the background to sound like you’re at a party. They will never know. You’ll know, but they won’t. Hint: Don’t wear your pajamas when you go outside to pick them up, if you’re going to put up a façade, you need to commit to it.

Dress up nice and call an Uber, then ask if the Uber driver is single.

A few tips for this one. First of all, don’t enter a destination, then pretend your phone dies. Now you lovebirds are forced to make small talk as you give verbal directions to an unknown location. Your bank account may pay the price, but true love requires sacrifice to some degree, even if that sacrifice is half your savings.

Makeover your Tinder profile.

Nothing screams “I’m single” more than wasting three hours of your day carefully selecting semi-attractive pictures of yourself and piecing together a bio that openly displays your desperation while maintaining an essence of slight conservatism. Your future hookups will definitely appreciate your effort.

Go to the Student Rec.

Jk, watch all twelve seasons in of Grey’s Anatomy in bed.

Try to “coincidentally” meet the love of your life on an RTS bus.

My personal suggestion is 12; Reitz Union to Butler Plaza. Spend your evening forcing conversation with frustrated med/vet students who are running late for their night shift. Or maybe make friends with equally frustrated people who are subject to making a two hour trip to Walmart just to buy laundry detergent.

Share articles like this on Facebook to remind everyone you’re single.

It’s become a tradition for us single people to alert the world we are indeed single. If you don’t, people might assume you’re in a relationship, which would be tragically misleading. But if you also don’t post pictures of yourself and a date, you’ll really start to confuse your friends, who may begin to worry about you. They might think you’re depressed or something, which would be totally out character for you. Be a good friend and reassure them you’re both single and have a sense of humor.