A guide to having the best Anti-Valentine’s Day
Wine and cookie dough are required
Having a lover does not mean you have to love Valentine’s Day. You can hate it. It’s overrated, exclusive, and consumeristic.
However, you can still celebrate the day with an Anti-Valentines’s Day party.
You can have all the fun, with none of the stress, gender stereotypes or Cupid creepiness.
Every holiday party has to have some decor. The typical Valentine’s Day decorations usually involve heart-shaped streamers, red roses, and for some strange reason, owls.
Take one of these owls and make some speech bubbles that say, “new phone, hoot dis?” Who doesn’t love puns and turning people down?
Another Valentine’s Day classic Pinterest decoration is a wine bottle painted white with some kind of frilly pink design. I’d say save yourself the trouble and just pass the wine out to your guests.
Don’t be a Pinterest mom, be a wine mom.
I love baking but, no one actually likes the taste of red icing. Skip buying the heart shaped cookie cutter and buy yourself some cookie dough and go to town. This is the pre-party and it’s all for you. Anti-Valentine’s Day is not about altruism.
Cookie dough tastes way better I swear
Buy some heart shaped cookies from Publix and pass them around with a hammer. Everyone can picture that one sixth grade crush that they never quite got over.
I LOVED YOU KEITH!
In third grade, giving out Valentine’s Day cards was fun. Now it is especially lackluster. Instead, go to your nearest Target and buy all the V-Day cards with shirtless men and use them as napkins.
Email Instagram and ask them to block all couple posts with captions longer than three sentences. We all know every Valentine’s Day social media is flooded with couples who just had to tell the world how much their S.O. means to them to their followers… You know, instead of just telling their boyfriend/girlfriend to their face… in person… where I don’t have to see it.
If you’re really looking to put on a real party, light those Fall candles that you totally forgot to burn a few months ago.
A party is about the company you keep. Valentine’s Day is all about spending time with your loved one. Anti-Valentine’s Day is about spending time with number one.
Invite you and only you to this party. Pathetic? Maybe, but not as much as searching on Yik Yak for a Valentine’s Day date.