Why do people make me feel guilty for saying no?

“Can I have your number?”

“Let’s get dinner.”

“Can you give me the answers to the homework that you spent hours working on while I watched cat videos?”

Ah, college. This is the time where you are supposed to “find yourself” and “experience new people and exploits.” As freeing as this sounds, the pressure adds up once you realize you have spent your first two weeks hiding in your dorm room, binge watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix.

The search for friends, places to go, and things to experience becomes top priority once the last season of your beloved series ends. Wanting to fit in for the sake of fitting in usually leads down a dark path of peer pressure and uncomfortable decisions.

Saying no to any plans, any admirers, or any intrusive favors seems like an unacceptable response in this new college world. In this generation, the term “no” is now similar to a curse word.

Tiffany Lopez, freshman, told The Tab about how she felt pressured to go on a date: “I was at home in my pajamas and was not planning on leaving my house that day at all. This guy kept texting me and texting me that day, trying to get me to go out with him and told me he was already at my house and spent time driving all the way over there even though I didn’t ask him to come over. He guilt tripped me into going on a date with him even though I wasn’t interested in him at all.”

“Stop asking for my number I’m not interested” should be easier to say

The college community evidently frowns upon declining any invitation or offer no matter how much you want to say no. Guilt trips or bereavements usually follow, which causes so many people to give in to unwanted dates, phone number exchanges, and resentful sharing of homework in fear of seeming rude.

Freshman Ashley Marceus didn’t say no to a night at Shucks and ended the night alone: “It was the beginning of my first semester and I was hanging out with my high school friends. They started getting into the partying scene, but I’ve never wanted to do that. They wanted to go to Shucks and I really didn’t want to go, but they kept telling me that I was ruining their night so I went with them. They all went and got drunk and hung out with strangers while I sat outside. Someone ended up peeing next to where I was sitting and then puked.”

The college scene pressures people into thinking being assertive, confident, and putting yourself first with your decision-making is now deemed rude.

It is now taboo to turn down plans with your friends when you are uncomfortable with their decisions.

It is now taboo to not want to share your homework with your friends and peers after they slacked off while you slaved over the work.

It is now taboo to not share the same feelings for a boy or girl who is interested in you or not be interested in a random stranger who wants your number.

This ludicrous and somehow universally accepted norm needs to end.

No you can’t copy my homework after you skipped class all semester

Freshman Avnee Mistry did a project by herself because she felt pressured to not say no: “A coworker and friend of mine was in the same class as me so we did a group project together. When we got together to do the project at Marston Library, she asked if she could could drink and I didn’t want to upset her by saying no so she ended up getting too drunk so I had to do the entire project by myself. The next week, she asked for my homework and I wish I had said no.”

With each of these experiences, a rejection should have been acceptable, yet each individual felt like they couldn’t say no. Instead of putting themselves first, they chose the route of giving others what they want because our generation has been programmed with the dread of displeasing others.

We have all experienced the terrors of saying no even when it’s the obvious right answer for you. We, as a community, need to fight against this newfound curse word and make no an acceptable answer once again.

Everyone has a right to their own decisions and a respectable declination is nothing to fear or be ashamed of.