Dining at Dartmouth: All of the reasons to never go to Novack

Why is the dinner grill line at the HOP so long it feels like I’m trying to order Starbucks across the street from a high school cheerleading convention? And who is Roslin and why has she been hiding in the shadows for so long?

We all have some hard, unanswered questions for DDS. We’re here to shed some light in this new series: Dining at Dartmouth.

In our first installment, we’ll swing to the back end of Baker Berry to take a look at the Novack Cafe (aka The Vack, NoYack)

Students from all across the world come to the ever-so-cute and snowy town of Hanover to learn and pursue their dreams. So many students with a variety of tastes and preferences – and still all of them fucking hate Novack Café. Why is this the case?

You go into Novack Café with the same mentality you’d have before eating a bowl of plain tofu and oatmeal. If you can manage to eat the food, it’ll provide you with enough energy to sit through your two hour morning lecture. However, its positive qualities are derived solely from the food’s calorific content.

Like tofu and oatmeal, food at Novack does not taste. Instead, the quality of Novack food is measured in terms of texture.

Pay close attention when they heat your food for you in the microwave, or else the core of your breakfast sandwich might come out a little more frozen than you’re expecting.

Students usually choose to go to Novack under the grimmest of terms. Cramming for a final in Baker Berry and need to refuel quickly? Novack is the spot for you.

Is it one of those odd hours of the week where Collis, Foco, the Hop, and Kaf are closed? Chances are, Novack is open.

Recommendation for when you’re at Novack: go to KAF, Cry, avoid Novack at all costs.

Best menu items: pizza, Philly cheesesteak wrap, Moe’s Burritos, Bagels

Menu items to avoid at all costs: old sushi, vegan peanut and strawberry jelly sandwich. Approach all items with caution.