‘Every guy in the house has ED’: We need to talk about the frat ratings on GreekRank
‘Don’t read GreekRank,’ they said
Chances are you’ve spent at least a couple minutes skimming through GreekRank if you’re in Greek Life or if you’ve ever considered rushing. Despite how often we’re told not to check the site, somehow it still exists and is hip to all the drama and ranking wars.
It’s about time it was exposed for what it is (the worst of all time) with a summary of the good, the bad, and the weird ratings of CU frats.
Acacia
The Good: "classy mofos all around."
The Bad: "This was Model UN on crack. Their reputation precedes them."
The Weird: "Look ma, no hands! I said look ma, no hands!"
AEPi
The Good: "These guys are very chill,friendly helpful and kind. They are growing fast and becoming better every semester..Good job AEPi"
The Bad: "These guys are Completelty irrelevant"
The Weird: "self posters dont be fooled"
Alpha Sig
The Good: "A bunch of down to earth dudes who know how to throw down."
The Bad: "Kicked me out for making pop tarts at a party. Goobers…all of them"
The Weird: "They had ducks at one point. Top house."
Chi Psi
The Good: "Probably one of my favorite fraternities on campus. The guys make everyone feel welcome and are pretty hot to say the least."
The Bad: "A bunch of boners and douches"
The Weird: "Best sorority on campus"
Kappa Sig
The Good: "… they are very respectful to girls. Beachapalooza pretty much speaks for itself, best party I’ve ever been too."
The Bad: "Move out the way cause you guys are falling so hard its funny to watch"
The Weird: "i wented to one of their pool partys n it was reaaallly fun i got a boner"
Phi Psi
The Good: "I always have fun when I go to phi psi. The guys are cute and throw great parties."
The Bad: "jesus try a little harder phi psi"
The Weird: "Soft as a drippy castle"
Phi Tau
The Good: "Best fraternity on campus. These guys not only know how to throw down and have a good time, but they also know how to be classy and respect their guests."
The Bad: "losers. dope house tho"
The Weird: "Bottom tier boners"
Pike
The Good: "good looking gentlemen! and they know how to have fun, Pikes back!"
The Bad: "gave bids to the kids that got rejected from other houses…"
The Weird: ""boyfriend material"?! Are you kidding me? that sounds really creepy. "
Pi Kapp
The Good: "These guys are so nice! Always very respectful and outgoing!"
The Bad: "Pretty big egos for a lukewarm fraternity that lives in a dumpy little house far far away. "
The Weird: "Every guy in the house has ED. But they are great listeners. Long live pie cap"
SAE
The Good: "the guys are hot and they are actually nice dudes. My favorite house on campus"
The Bad: "Not as good as they would like you to believe definitely falling down this year."
The Weird: "my baby daddy is a brother here and he is so supportive of his frat…………….not my baby tho………………. not mad tho…. being in a frat is way more important than raising our little girl :)"
Sig Nu
The Good: "Love sig nu! All of the brothers are so fun and welcoming!"
The Bad: "Couple cool kids though for sure, like 2."
The Weird: "smallest dick ive ever seen on a man"
Sig Ep
The Good: "Huge parties with tons of people. Great guy/girl ratio. My favorite place to party and it’s always a great time"
The Bad: "Trash club. They are not a fraternity."
The Weird: "I would rather spend the rest of my life being forced to watch Paul Blart Mall Cop than spend one second near a sig ep"
Sig Pi
The Good: "Simply top house"
The Bad: "House looks nice from the outside, but looks like a pig sty on the inside. Not a strong brotherhood either. Yes they have parties. Everyone has parties it’s college."
The Weird: "Sigma pi ride a guy"
TKE
The Good: "Great brotherhood, I can tell the guys are really close. They have fun social events. Total gentlemen, I trust them wholeheartedly."
The Bad: "non existent dont be fooled"
The Weird: "they need cable"
Theta Xi
The Good: "Classiest boys on the hill and they know how to throw down. Their last formal in aspen was unreal and if you don’t go to one of them you’re doing college wrong. The rise is real"
The Bad: ""Theta zoo was the best party I have been at" Yeah okay theta xi. This party sucked the top tier girls didn’t even attend and the girls that were there left as quick as they came."
The Weird: "West coast killed biggie"
ZBT
The Good: "Guys here are always so nice. Never been nervous to go here because they make it feel like a safe environment. Fun parties too."
The Bad: "ZBT Honestly is awful"
The Weird: "Sup Bros! If your Pokémon deck is getting a little soft, come to ZBT! We have the latest and greatest cards you will ever lay your eyes on! No girls allowed. Only bros."
The lesson here? GreekRank is ruthless, the internet is a blackhole and I spent way too much time on this website.