Studying abroad in Europe’s tensest months

I was in the metro in Barcelona a few days ago when I heard a piercing noise. A huge boom echoed throughout the train stop. My first thought was: there is a bomb in here. Run. But when the crowds cleared, I saw a little boy holding his popped balloon. I couldn’t help but think: how sad is it that we live in a world where the sound of child’s play can so easily be mistaken for an act of terror?

Immediately after the Paris attacks, I sat in the hotel lobby crowding around the small television amongst other devastated patrons. I watched in pure terror as death counts rose to 50, then 100, then 150. I cried for the victims and for their families.

I wanted to go home more than anything. After more than three months here in Barcelona, I had never felt so unsafe.

I felt so close to this tragedy even though I know I could have been closer. I could have easily been in Paris that weekend and I had friends who actually were. I couldn’t get in touch with them. We heard phone lines had been shut down and the city border closed.

In the following days, I received a multitude of emails from abroad coordinators both in Spain and back at Cornell. We were advised to cancel trips to Paris and to travel with great caution. The email told us to discuss safety concerns and wishes to leave early with program directors — and I can’t say I didn’t consider it.

The mood had shifted in Barcelona. Suddenly, my GroupMe was filled with talk about “Barcelona being next” and the possibility of going home. We heard about students in Paris packing their bags, though nobody that I know got that far.

This semester I took a class in global media and journalism at my Spanish university. On the last class, my professor said that we were lucky in the sense that this was such an internationally heated semester. This stuck with me.

We were all concerned, but what were we supposed to do? Give up and let them win? We could not let this define our experiences abroad. So with heavy hearts and wary heads, we moved forward.

I have definitely taken extra caution in the last few weeks – in the metro, at the airport, and even just walking down the street. But the terrifying thing is that terrorist attacks are so random, we can’t really protect ourselves.

And when I return home in two short weeks, am I really any safer?