How to survive your Thanksgiving dinner

Thanksgiving is a time to get together with people you care about and enjoy a delicious turkey dinner. It can be a very nice time to relax, get away from all the college stress, watch some football, and catch up with family.

But it can also be a shit show, so pay attention.

Thanksgiving dinner conversations can be tricky. Every family has a few weirdos, and there are topics bound to come up that will create awkward, unnecessary tension at the table.

Here are the conversations to avoid to make your Thanksgiving dinner as bearable as possible.

The election

It’s unlikely that everyone in the family plans on voting for the same candidate. For many people, politics is a very passionate topic, so it’s probably not smart to bring up the election at all.

Everyone has their two cents about Donald Trump. Don’t try to be the guy to make a joke about his legitimacy as a potential president unless you’re cool with Trump being the entirety of conversation for the rest of the meal.

Your family may even have a few closeted Trump supporters. You don’t want to make them out themselves before they’re comfortable telling everyone (the same applies to Bernie Sanders, depending on how your family leans).

Pro tip: If anyone asks what you think of the election, just casually state that you haven’t been following it too closely. Its better to let your relatives think you’re dumb than have them resent your core beliefs.

Your friend from high school

There’s a pretty high chance someone at the table is gonna ask you how that friend is doing.

It’s not their fault. They don’t know you haven’t spoke to Greg in six months. Once again, just play dumb.

Partying

At a certain point, there is a thing called oversharing with the family. You don’t need to tell them how much you drink on the weekends or how many girls you’ve hooked up with.

Maybe college has warped you, but you need to remember not everyone is going to be impressed with your habits. It may even lead to unexpected reprimanding by that old-fashioned aunt or uncle who will remind you why you’re attending school in the first place.

Party pooper.

Relationships

“Have you met anybody special at school?” your mom will ask. Maybe she’s had one too many glasses of wine, or maybe she’s just eager about having grandchildren.

Um, if there was a relationship worth mentioning, you’d probably already know about it, Mom.

Also, if those condoms Uncle Tommy got me are as reliable as the box claims, I can assure you no grandchildren are coming your way anytime soon.

New dieting trend

If you’ve recently become gluten free, keep it to yourself. Seriously. Keep that shit to yourself.

The new Star Wars movie

We get that you’re excited for the new Star Wars movie. You may have even preordered your tickets already.

But ask yourself this: do you really think your 50 year old aunt wants to endure an hour-long conversation about your predictions for what happens to Luke Skywalker in the new film?

I promise you that she does not.

ISIS

Some of you are probably already cringing. If that’s the case, definitely don’t bring this one up.

Actually, maybe you wanna try it out. It’s a fun way to find out which of your relatives is secretly a racist.

The true origins of Thanksgiving

Maybe your younger sibling just read Howard Zinn in his high school history class and now he thinks he can educate the table about how things really went down in 1492.

We already know Columbus was an asshole. We know like hundreds of Indians were murdered and we know they aren’t actually even Indians even though everyone still calls them that.

Stop reminding us.

There are about a million things that can go wrong at Thanksgiving dinner. But this shouldn’t be a day to argue about politics or school. This is a day to be grateful that you can sit with your loving family and enjoy your time together.

So maybe this holiday season, just shut the fuck up and eat your turkey.