Every New Year’s resolution you won’t keep in 2017

A new year usually means people want to make a fresh start and better themselves. The idea of “new year, new you” is met with lists and lists of New Year’s resolutions people want to keep for at least the next 12 months. Chances are, though, the motivation to better yourself will fade real fast.

Exercise more

You’ll compensate for the fact that you haven’t gone to the gym in months by saying you’ll go every single day. You’ll stride into the gym the first day seeing all the other people with the same New Year’s resolution.

But let’s be honest — you haven’t even activated your FitRec membership yet. Your determination to get fit will probably only last a week and then the gym will return to its normal population. Soon enough, you’ll be back to only getting out of bed for food and class.

Eat well

Becoming healthy seems to be one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions. It seems it’s never too early to lose weight and get “beach body ready” by cutting out all junk food, do juice cleanses and eat all natural products.

You’ll soon find out that no matter how many salads you eat, you’ll just never feel full. Don’t worry, in due time, you’ll be back to filling your body with every unhealthy food you can get your hands on. Embrace it.

Care more about school

Your horrible grades and destroyed GPA from last semester are a thing of the past. The spring semester is when you’re planning to thrive. You’re going to spend less time socializing and watching Netflix and more time in the library and at office hours. For the first few weeks you won’t miss a single lecture and you’re going to take beautifully color-coded, organized notes.

However, as the semester progresses, you’re going to start losing steam and will care a whole lot less.

Spend less money

You’re a broke college kid and you should not be spending any money on unnecessary clothes or food when you already have a ridiculously priced meal plan. You’ll try to refrain from ordering a sweater online that you already have in three other colors, and when your friends invite you to get food in Back Bay, you’ll instead opt for the dining hall or GSU.

But every time you walk past Chipotle, it will have detrimental effects on your bank account.

Read more

You are determined to read more throughout 2017. You make your first steps toward this by purchasing some new, high-rated books from Barnes and Noble. You’ll probably get half way through the first book and give up entirely.

You return to watching entire seasons of Netflix shows in a day. The other unread books will remain untouched on your desk and make you feel guilty until you completely forget about them. The only books you’ll be reading are ones assigned in your classes, and honestly, you might not even read those.

Get organized

You promise yourself you’re going to keep your room and closet clean and organized. For the first few days, you’ll probably make your bed right when you wake up and throw your dirty clothes immediately into the hamper. You’ll even try to keep your desk clean and organize all your class supplies and assignments into their respectable subjects.

In about a week or two, your room will once again look like a tornado hit it. Papers and shoes will be scattered everywhere, and your laundry won’t be done for extended periods of time.

Be a nicer person

Were you a horrible human being in 2016? That’s not a problem because a new year means a fresh start. This is your opportunity to be nicer to others. You might start to actually hold the elevator for people when they’re running to make it instead of repeatedly pressing the close button. Maybe you won’t take a student’s clean clothes out of the washer and throw them on the floor.

After a few weeks, you’ll once again get fed up with the human race and resort to your old ways of getting on the elevator at the first floor and getting off at the second.

Spend less time online

Refraining from social media, online shopping and watching TV may be one of the most difficult things to do. You will try to keep busy by doing homework, but you will miss scrolling through Instagram and viewing snapchat stories.

The looming temptation of spending countless hours scrolling through memes will eventually overcome your efforts to abstain from the internet. This will be the resolution you break the fastest.

Try a new hobby

Because you’re a college student and have all the free time in the world you think you’ll have the time to learn a new hobby. Pick up a new sport? No problem. Learn how to play a new instrument? Piece of cake.

Once you remember that juggling your school work, social life and getting a minimal amount of sleep is difficult enough, you’ll drop trying to learn a new hobby real fast.

If you’re lucky and determined enough, maybe one of your New Year’s resolutions will stick. The rest of us will go back to our inactive and unproductive lives.