How to pretend you know anything about craft beers

“Darker beers make you look badass at bars,” my friend said. I kept staring at the menu. A couple blocks away from the BU campus there’s a bar with more than a hundred beers on tap. Pale Ales, IPA, Stout. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I have my beer guru with me.

Sabrina and I met during our semester abroad in Brazil. I used to hate beer in general. Chugging the red cup during beer pong used to be a real punishment. When in São Paulo, with extremely met temperatures and long lines to get in clubs, the cans of Brahma became our party buddies. But how do you go from those watery beers to a tall glass of blackish liquid?

“How did you transition from watery cheap beers to this?” I ask her while the server brings her a pint of Guinness. “I started looking at calories. That’s when I realized some darker beers like this one are lower. They also have some vitamins and minerals,” she said.

“Also, you always need to be trying new things. I thought I hated hops, but it turns out darker beers that have dry hops are delicious and I was missing out!”

With craft beers and breweries visits in full vogue, here are a couple of tips so you look like you know what you’re doing next time at the bar.

Mix and match

Some liquor stores let you mix and match your six-packs. This is a great way to start your journey into becoming a craft beer expert. I highly recommend going with your friends and getting different ones. That’s a great way to ease yourself into it.

Learn your vocab

Just like for your SATs, learn your vocab: lager, hops, ale, malt, IPA, etc. Then try to use them in conversations while holding your pint of red ale from that tiny microbrewery in Wisconsin or something.

Don’t judge a book by its cover

But do judge a beer by its label. Pretend like you know what you’re doing and choose your craft beer options based on cool labels. There’s a cute little elephant? Yes! That’s actually one of the best beers out there!

Chocolate beer?

I discovered that I actually really like stouts, some even have a chocolate flavor! They’re also not that bitter.

Start fruity

If you’re a craft beer virgin and are not really into beer in general, I recommend starting with a fruity version. They’re not really ciders, but they have some sweet tones. Go with what’s in season, like pumpkin beer in the fall. You’ll impress the bartender.

Finally, when in doubt: ask

You can BS about craft beer all you want, but if you want to become a real hipster, you’ll have to do your homework. Doesn’t matter if you’re at the liquor store, or at the 100-beer-on-tap bar. Let your server know what you like and ask for recommendations. Let them guide you.

And yes. You do look more badass with a tall glass of Guinness at the bar.

@kleon100