The guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse at BU

CareerBuilder has ranked Boston as #1 out of the 53 largest U.S. metropolitan cities to survive the zombie apocalypse.

For those of you who watch The Walking Dead, this is very, very good news.

The study assumes “standard, flesh-eating virus transmitted via biting or contact with infected blood” is the cause of the outbreak.

Encouraging? YES. Because Boston is equipped for this disaster.

So Boston survives, that’s great, but how about BU? How will we, a community of around 30,000 strong, outlast the end of the world?

Let’s evaluate.

I’ve ranked four places, worst to best, to ensure your survival.

You’re welcome.

4. West Campus

Let’s look at the pros: athletes=ample fighting force, dining hall=food for the athletes and everyone else to last about two days, sports arenas=places to get one last practice in?

Sorry West, it’s not looking good.

It’s likely everyone living in the surrounding areas will flock to West Campus in hopes that such an expensive college will have at least SOME smart kids who know how to survive. Too many people, not enough food, I’m not sure that it’s going to work out for you.

But hey! Grab a slice at T. Anthony’s and enjoy the final ride.

3. Warren Towers

Housing thousands of students, Warren would be good if you need lots of people for a fight.

You’ve got a dining hall, pretty solid defense system, and plenty of places to hide.

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure a zombie wouldn’t be able to get up those escalators – though you should block the security desk just in case.

The only bad thing about Warren is the high concentration of people. When one person gets sick, everyone get sick.

Apply this theory with the zombie-virus, and, well, you’re all dead. Sorry.

2. College of Arts and Sciences

At a block long, being stuck in CAS would give you plenty of space to wander around.

It’s protected, and literally has signs marking it as a Fallout Shelter.

I doubt a zombie would be able to open any of the ridiculously heavy doors, so you’re set for containment.

Keep up your physical fitness by running laps from the basement to the fifth floor. You also have Einsten Bro’s Bagels in the basement, the best bagel shop in the entire world.

Just to prepare for the worst, let’s say the zombies do get in. Make your way to CAS522, aka the hardest classroom to find, like, ever.

You’ll be safe there and can entertain yourself by running around the Astronomy department.

Finally….the #1 place to be: The GSU

You want to be here when it all goes down.

If you manage to block the windows, this place is what will get you through. Plenty of floors for you to run around and live in, TONS of food, and the best part….the library.

In case all hell really breaks loose, you can gather as many supplies from the GSU as you can and flee into the super secure, super long lasting library. Six floors with over 2.2 million books? You’ll never get bored.

But the real seller?

LOCKABLE CAGE DOORS. Located in the stairwells, these things are your main defense.

So, just hope you’re in the right place when the world ends.

The smartest thing to do would be to block off Comm. Ave from Kenmore Square to as far down as possible (hopefully including T. Anthony’s).

This would ensure containment, since Comm. Ave is a straight line, easy for vehicles (tanks, anyone?) and people to move up and down. The height of buildings like Warren Towers and StuVi would allow for maximum perimeter viewing, ideal for keeping the campus safe from any threats, dead or alive.

The study ranked the 53 cities in four categories: ability to defend against the virus, ability to contain the virus, ability to outlast the epidemic with an ample food supply, and ability to find a cure.

Boston scored the following: 14th for defense, 17th for containment, 29th for food, and 1st for finding a cure (FYI, New York City ranked last for everything).

The U.S.News article about the study says we rank so high for finding a cure because of the “high concentration of ‘biological and medical scientists and professionals’.”

I’m looking at you, biomedical engineers.

Want some survival practice? Check out this cool link. You and 11 of your closest friends can get locked in a room with a zombie and try to escape within an hour…if you’re willing.

Or, you can educate yourself by watching The Walking Dead tonight.