I hooked up with my TA and got a B+

Everyone has been attracted to their teacher at one point in their years of schooling. Yet, once in college, these attractions become much more realistic. As official adults, students having desires to be with a professor or TA aren’t completely out of the realm of possibility.

In reality, professors can be intelligent, appealing, attractive, but let’s face it—old and even married. On the other hand, TAs balance both being our superiors and equals. After all, they are close to us in age and still finishing their education. When we are faced with a TA, the atmosphere is often comfortable and they become more approachable. Consequently, they become great contenders for an evolving romantic relationship.

Here at Boston University, there are strict rules against any outside relationships involving students and their superiors. In BU’s Policy on Consensual Relationships with Students it is stated that:

A consensual romantic or sexual relationship between an affiliate and a student over whom the affiliate has supervision may undermine the integrity of the educational process and adversely affect the learning and living environment  for the student in the relationship and for other students. The risks associated with relationships between an affiliate and a student include conflicts of  interest, perceptions of undue advantage, and the potential for abuse of the inherent power differential. Therefore, Boston University’s policy is that no affiliate shall supervise a student with whom the affiliate has a consensual romantic or sexual relationship.

Yet, what happens when these rules are broken?

A Senior in BU’s Sargent College has experienced this first-hand. I had the pleasure of interviewing her (who I will refer to as “Anna” to keep her identity anonymous) and found out how such a taboo student-TA relationship really plays out on BU’s campus.

How did your relationship with your TA start?
We matched on Tinder a week before class started. Then, on the first day of class I noticed he looked familiar, and when he said his name it rang a bell. I just didn’t remember from where. Later, I got a Tinder message after the first class saying, “don’t forget to do your homework…” and then it clicked. I looked at his pictures, put the names together, read his bio saying “BU 2015” and realized it was him.

What did you say when he reached out to you on Tinder?
I responded with “oh this is weird” or something along those lines.

Tinder Dating App

What was your initial reaction when he reached out?
I genuinely didn’t have any interest in getting with him because I thought it was weird. He didn’t ever say hi to me in class, so we would just make awkward eye contact and stuff.

What would you two talk about when you began your relationship?
We started texting— and usually it was just about homework—but then it progressed into how he wasn’t allowed to be involved with his students. He did mention that there were exceptions. He said although he wasn’t allowed to have sex with them, doing “other things” would probably be acceptable.

What was your first physical encounter like?
One night when I stayed in he called me pretty drunk. He said, “I’m coming over and I want to hang out” but I said no. He insisted. So after some convincing, I agreed. He came over and we talked for a while and we made out a little but I wasn’t feeling it. I just didn’t want it to be awkward in class so I stopped it before anything really happened and he went home.

What were the benefits of having a student/TA relationship?
He helped me study (via text when I asked him questions) and with homework here and there. Nothing ever really came from it and I’m happy about that and I think he is too. It didn’t benefit my grade at all, and I didn’t want it to—that wasn’t the goal. It also wasn’t a class where the TA graded anything. He just genuinely seemed like a really nice guy.

What is your present relationship with him now?
I think we both just agreed it was wrong and he was graduating so we both didn’t see the point in starting something. We don’t speak anymore just because there isn’t a reason to — he’s out of state working now—he graduated.

BU does permit you to have a TA relationship as long as they are not your present TA. So, what’s so wrong with having one? A steamy, passionate and risky relationship doesn’t seem to lead to any horrible consequences—and in Anna’s case, it got her a B+.