Which presidential candidate is your freshman dorm?
Trump likes the West
From the moment the housing surveys become available on the StudentLink, freshmen scramble to find information and input their choices, most desired to least, for where they want to live in their first year in college. Questions bounce through their minds in a frantic attempt to make the right choice:
How far is this dorm from my classes? Do I really want a roommate? Is the dining hall downstairs, or do I actually have to leave the building? Will it make America great again?
But that last one is probably a question for the 2016 presidential candidates. Since choosing where you want to live, and choosing who you want to lead your country is practically the same thing, I decided to compare the freshman dorms to their presidential candidate counterparts.
West Campus – Donald Trump
“West is Best,” could actually be Trump’s campaign slogan. Where athletes reign majority, West Campus takes on a typically social and relaxed atmosphere. So chill, in fact, you physically have to tear yourself away from the prying eyes of the dining hall masses to get any work done. Just like if Trump actually bothered to hit the books occasionally, he might have something intelligent to say. Let’s not forget about the fact that the West Campus dining hall has the best burritos at BU, because we know how Trump loves all things Mexican.
Warren Towers – Chris Christie
Warren Towers is by far the biggest freshman dorm BU has to offer: much like Chris Christie is the biggest candidate of them all. Warren houses a whopping 1,800 students crammed into just three towers. Just imagine how many sandwiches could be housed in Christie. Some residents say the overall vibe is calm, and floor-mates are tight, but do you really think the biggest freshman dorm is that quiet? By the sheer size of the building, you kind of expect it to be loud, sweaty, and overbearing. Oh.
The Towers – Bernie Sanders
People at The Towers are just trying to live and let live. Just trying to learn a little bit more and wait for the right moment to speak up. Bernie Sanders is that guy. Does it also look oddly like a retirement home? Maybe.
Kilachand Hall – Dr. Ben Carson
Kilachand rivals all the other colleges with its reputation as the honors college and Dr. Ben Carson is an esteemed surgeon. It probably ends there. I mean both really should stick to what they’re good at, and probably not venture into social situations…or politics.
Myles Standish Hall – Mike Huckabee
Before Myles Standish Hall was a student residence, it was a hotel. Before Mike Huckabee decided to run for president, he was a talk show host. Only one of these things has changed for the better. But at one point, both had a practical use, were generally liked by the public, and didn’t blame everything on minorities, (Myles Standish is still good on those fronts).
Bay State Road brownstones – Lindsey Graham
The Bay State Road brownstones are beautiful. So vibrant, so historic, so Lindsey Graham. Although it is not typically a freshman dorm, lone freshmen can be found holed up in their rooms, muttering about promising war on floor-mates if they slam their doors at 2am one more time, I swear. Much like Graham would like to declare war on the Islamic State in Israel. But who’s keeping track?