Everything you’ll learn at Brown
It’s possible to be stoned for two days straight
When we applied to colleges, we heard about the parties and vague character of the school. But hearing about Brown’s laid-back and liberal culture is one thing. Living it is something else. Here is what I’ve learned.
The PC culture is not a joke
If you do suggest going as Pocahontas for Halloween, prepare to feel as big as the crumb you ate for breakfast after your way-too-wild high pig-out the night before.
Bury it deep.
Turn-up is every. single. night.
If you don’t have willpower, you’re not graduating.
Arnold Study Lounge: Keeney Quad’s pick-up point for people looking for a plan that involves anything but studying.
It’s possible to be some form of stoned for two days straight
Even after just one joint. If you didn’t like Mondays before, a Saturday night smoke is not going to help.
Bottled water just isn’t a thing
Unless you want to trek over to Thayer Street and beyond – but that late-night thirst on a snow day? Better get a Britto filter.
Mmm mm.
You cannot fail
Professors apologize for accidentally calling an S/NC class “pass/fail”, because that sort of discouraging language is just not tolerated at Brown. ‘nuff said.
“F**k that 9am it’s SNC” – some Brown A Capella Group
Sororities do exist
While they don’t dominate Brown life, they’re just as intense as at any school. As one sorority has been known to say, “You are always wearing your letters. From this day forward, every day, in every situation.”
The freshman 15 is a real thing, not just an urban myth
It’s scarier than the loch ness monster could ever be. Did I really move up a jean size in less than a week?
Me: “I used to be skinny I swear!” *pulls out skinny photos from 2013* Everyone else: *smiles and nods awkwardly*
Most business classes are labelled “athletes classes”
And not in a cool way. These are the classes for people with a lot of other commitments so if you came hoping to major in BEO, consider a double major…if you’re looking to take an easy-A class, Engn0090 is for you. In Hazeltine we trust.
Life isn’t cheap
Money flies here and we just don’t know how or where. Pigs may not have grown wings, but George Washington’s face sure has (or in worse cases, Benjamin Franklin’s).
Oh, there it goes. K bye.
Having a British accent is a social asset
My first night, I whipped out my best “Would you like a cup of tea”-type intonation and the Americans couldn’t get enough.
There are no excuses for not working out
Chronically forgetting to update your gym membership is no longer an excuse for not working out. There’s a gym near every dorm on campus and the only fee you pay is the smile that once resided on your face but now belongs to the smug expression of a gym-goer who’s done for the day. You know the one.
When people think snapchat can make dreams come true.
Illegal pets are a thing
Chances are your community director has one. Adios Matt Gill.
Clearly didn’t dream about making care arrangements for his dog over winter break
You get tossed around with finals and extra-curricular activities, Brown politics and building worthwhile friendships, but you love the experience and you love the fact that you’re given enough choices to even have those problems. You learn that you are totally and hopelessly in love with Brown because you’re free, until you realize that freedom comes at a cost, and the price? It’s called Decision.