Why we should always say what we feel

I watched a lot of rom-coms when I was little, and I could never understand why the people who loved each other took so long to say it. The fact that it took two hours for them to admit it to one another – after telling every other character and their dentist – frustrated me beyond belief.

If we like someone, or need to apologize for something, or we just have some passionate and consuming feeling, we should express it – and there’s no point in waiting. The right time to say how we feel is at the exact time we feel it because that’s when it’s strong and when we mean it most. If we wait, the anxiety of all the ‘what if’s’ in the world come in to play. And if we don’t say anything at all, we will regret it.

Sometimes you may think there’s no point in expressing a feeling, for whatever reason – but let me tell you why you should say something anyway, even under the following circumstances.

You don’t think they return the feeling

If what you’re feeling is something that generally requires reciprocation, such as romantic love or simply expressing the desire for more attention from a person, you might hesitate to vocalize your feelings when you think they don’t want the same thing. But if you think that way, you will never try anything and there could be that lost opportunity where you misinterpreted the other person’s actions and intentions.

The inner struggle…

Of course, feelings aren’t always reciprocated. But even in this case it’s better to say something – if you keep feelings pent up inside, you don’t allow yourself to move on. Rejection is good for the soul, it cleanses and makes things very clear, allowing you to make more informed, more solid decisions. Someone once told me that rejection can be more positive than acceptance.

You think they don’t want to know

Firstly, why should you make that decision? You may believe that you’re ‘doing what’s best for them’ but you cannot know that. Other people can take care of themselves and handle emotions in their own way. If the person in question decides not to consider your sentiments, that’s fine and that’s their prerogative, but it’s your responsibility to yourself to be honest with yourself and those around you.

Stop hanging on to that last green part. Sometimes it’s time for something new.

For example, you might believe your partner doesn’t want to know you are no longer invested in the relationship – and in fact a lot of relationships go on for longer than they should because one person is afraid to hurt the other’s feelings – but not saying anything isn’t sustainable. Eventually you will have to say something, or it will come out, and in this example, possibly through cheating. A feeling is a snowball: the longer it drags out, the bigger it gets and the harder the blow.

You think they’ll reject the feeling

Maybe the feeling is as simple as an apology and you don’t want to say anything because what’s the point – they don’t care anyway, so it means nothing. What’s an unaccepted apology?

From experience, I’ll tell you: it’s everything. Expressing any sort of regret, guilt or gratitude, regardless of whether or not it’s accepted, is one of the most alleviating feelings there are. You feel emotionally cleaner, like you’ve done what you needed to do. So say how you feel because if nothing else, it’ll make you a better and a happier person.

You don’t want to unload your dirty laundry

This is for the private people. The ‘considerate’ people. Telling the person involved in your feeling, about said feeling, is not inconsiderate or airing your dirty laundry. Complaining to someone totally removed from the feeling about it might be, but that’s not what we’re talking about. Don’t be scared to be vulnerable or to be conceived as an emotional person, because better to live open and feeling than closed and sheltered. To breathe with conviction, to feel and fall hard. Love and break and love again and feel like you’re floating. To feel openly is to experience privilege and freedom, don’t give that up.Just say it.