Everyone you’ll meet in Keeney

Living in Keeney is an education in itself. It’s a lot of fun and you meet all sorts of different people. Of course, no Brown student falls into only a single category, but here are ten easily recognizable types of people you might encounter in Keeney.

The stoner

Where to find one: the green between Everett and Jameson, any weed-smoker’s bedroom, that rooftop in the middle of that field or anywhere with food

Appearance: squinty eyes, smiles that just do not correspond to the mountain of work they’ve got

Highlight of their day: smoking a joint that doesn’t fall apart in his mouth OR for the experienced rollers, après-smoke Jo’s

The guy who’s high so often does he even ever get high anymore or is this just his personality?

The ghost roommate

Where to find one: some obscure society, the basement

Appearance: N/A

Highlight of their day: you’ll never know

Never to be seen except when it’s time to pack up for winter break, or during that 5am trip to the bathroom.

The hallway homeworker

Where to find one: the hallway

Appearance: slumped comfortably against the wall or stretched across the floor, book in hand, headphones in one ear, eyes fixated on laptop

Highlight of their day: being anywhere but on the floor

The freshman Chinese major who recites Mandarin in the hallway at 3am because normal daytime hours were too precious to spend talking to himself in a language he barely understands.

The ‘Go hard or go home’

Where to find one: PARTIES

Appearance: happy-go-lucky, multipurpose dress-code, so as not to be limiting with the wide range of options the smallest state in the country has for partying

Highlight of their day: the night

Always knows where the party’s at and more importantly, the liquor. They’re the ones to watch, and at Brown everyone’s so friendly, if you’re in the know, you can go.

The not-so-well-hidden privilege

Where to find one: on a bed, Keeney green, kicking a skateboard on Brown Street, Keeney hallway, secretly buying expensive new merchandise online—watch for the quick-closing laptops

Appearance: nonchalant OR eccentric clothing, sometimes barefoot, non-descript give-away of their privilege

Highlight of their day: being told how inspiring they are after an hour monologue on how they plan to start from the bottom despite their undoubted access…isn’t that how we’re having this conversation right now?

Yep, this is the freshman most likely from privilege who seeks to make themselves something more than their family name…heard it all before, but at Brown there’s the added egotism because “I got into Brown so whatever I say is smart.” Also likes to express themselves through some form of media or art or contemplating life and philosophy.

The serial sexiler

Where to find one: in the bedroom from 11pm-4am, anywhere else during normal hours

Appearance: sweats and a t-shirt, casual and happy attitude because they’re getting laid

Highlight of their day: gloating to their roommate about all the fun that went on over the course of the sexile

Yes, your roommate hates you. No, you’re not sorry, because you’re a lucky, lucky guy (or girl).

 

The ‘Does she even go here?’

Where to find one: not Keeney

Appearance: it’s fuzzy

Highlight of their day: something pretty fucking cool like dancing with dinosaurs if they’re ditching the best dorm on campus…but seriously, it’s returning to Keeney

Keeney is the happening dorm, always full of people and partying – so of course you’ll find (or rather, not find) the people who are not down and choose to make themselves scarce. You will not see these people except for the odd bathroom encounter, when you do a double-take and ask yourself, “Does she live here?”

The non-procrastinators

Where to find one: Arnold Lounge, John Hay Library, Faunce

Appearance: well-kept, energized and ready to learn (read: NOT  HUMAN)

Highlight of their day: Just everything. For the majority of us that do procrastinate, we’d imagine the highlight to be the absence of self-hatred, but it’s difficult to appreciate an absence *sigh*

Yes, these people do exist and we procrastinators secretly love them because they give us false hope for the impossible. “I think I can, I know I can! I did!” said The Little Engine that Could – but no one at Brown.

The CS-ers

Where to find one: Jo’s at midnight, CIT at crisis time and all other times any dorm room or obscure spare room where they can work out of sight

Appearance: traveling in packs, with drooping eyelids and bags that weigh more than bowling balls

Highlight of their day: watching the CS TAs take 15 minutes to hand Andy a water bottle and straw

Best fixer upper: Visiting the CIT—there’s bound to be someone having a worse existential crisis than you there, ah that’s better

You know who they are because they’re the only ones crazy enough to still be glued to their screens at 5am. They are the ones you see walking out of the CIT in the wee hours, you’ll often here the phrase ‘collaboration policy’ muttered in contempt. But mainly they’re the ones who only ever talk about how much CS they have to do. These are the guys you’ve got to admire—they’re building Pacman in they’re sleep and don’t be surprised if you’re Keeney Conversation is interrupted by some computer jargon you don’t understand. It happens.

The Mysterious Hottie

Where to find one: not in your field of vision

Appearance: scalding

Highlight of their day: well it’s not really about them, is it

Um, excuse me, who are you and why have we not been in the same room long enough to exchange names, numbers, Instagram, life goals and the number of kids we’re both planning on having, because that shit’s important.