The Tab’s guide to date nights

72 percent of Brown students are willing to have sex on the first date, according to some figures – more than any other school.

But that doesn’t mean everyone here is actually doing it it.

If you are having trouble igniting the flame with fellow Brunonians, or looking for that special some to keep to keep your toes warm in the coming winter, this is for you.

Here’s The Tab team’s guide to the ideal date night, from Sophomore Ryan Simshauser and Senior Suki Smith. It has a 100 percent success rate.

Ryan: It’s November! A time when the leaves turn brown and fall off the trees for some reason. It also means that we’re over two months into the school year (and I’m still single), and date season is upon us.

The Providence winters are long and cold, and it’s much nicer having a significant other rather than calling DPS at 12:30am again because you “locked yourself out,” when really you just want basic human companionship (we’ve all been there).

Suki: Maybe you’ve got a friend with benefits, maybe it’s the booty call to that guy on the floor above you in Barbour, or maybe you’re really f*cking lucky and you have a BOO.

Whatever it may be, it’s Friday night,  We’ve got you covered.

Here is a detailed guide on what you need to make a memorable date night with your significant other (potential bae?).

First date means The Duck and Bunny

Dinner:

Crepes – shows your date you’re original, and maybe French. (Hold back, don’t pull the Den Den card. More of a 3rd, maybe 4th date thing.)

The Wyatt-Reuben, paired with Simi Chardonnay

Smoked Turkey, mozzarella, spinach & cranberry coulis

Dessert:

The Chubby Ella, paired with a Café au Lait

Nutella & Banana, a Parisian style triangle of goodness

Ale house is also a local legendary date spot.

You probably know it from a black-out crowded Halloween night, but go on a quiet week night, grab a beer and order the s’mores cookie desert and you are good to go.

Maybe don’t take them to The Martian

Ryan: Making the trip to the mall to watch Matt Damon in The Martian after your nice Duck and Bunny dinner qualifies as a full-on date.

Don’t bring this noise into your booty call, they don’t want to see The Martian with you. Neither do you.

For a movie about Matt Damon getting left behind by his best friends, it’s surprisingly light-hearted. Its perfect for a second date, or a 22nd, but be warned, it’s over two hours long, so a large popcorn is recommended. Stakes are high.

Suki: If you didn’t smoke before The Martian, you should just go home. Besides, you just ate something with the word “chubby” in it. Go home!

Plainly, the lengthiness of The Martian is treacherous. Might as well just saunter back to a queen, potentially (California) king size bed (if he is on the fencing team), and watch YouTube videos of Keyboard Cat.

It’ll be awkward enough that you will either be forced to laugh like you are suffocating on pillow feathers or start molesting each other’s faces.

Don’t let natural selection take play on potential bae, go get him.

Background noise for the bedroom

Ryan: Jerry Maguire

Suki: In the words of those annoying Spotify ads, “Loss for words? Share a song.”

Iggy Azalea- Work (Music Video). No, Money. NO … Family — can be kind of spicy!

To be frank, don’t mention Netflix and Chill. It’s overdone. Be creative like Iggy was … 16 in the middle of Miami.

Queue up Spotify with these fool-proof classics: 

Rock the Boat, Hues Corporation

Starman, David Bowie

Heroes – 1999 Remastered Version, David Bowie

Lay Down Sally, Eric Clapton

And don’t forget to keep work work, work, work…WORKing on ur shiiih.

Who said college kids don’t date night? Prove our hook-up generation wrong and take bae out for the night of their life.

We’ll be back with more top tips from top Tab lovers.