Here’s why Malia Obama should probz come to Brown

If you were alive awake on Saturday after this weekend’s festivities, you may have heard Malia Obama was checking out our beautiful campus.

First of all: we should all probably apologize for freaking the fuck out here. The funniest thing about the campus’s overreaction excitement is Brown students are usually chiller than Will Smith after he dropped Miami in ’97.

Ignoring the essential chill factor, it’s also true that we’re pretty liberal — OK Cupid just reported that Brown students are the “most liberal — with four-out-of-five students identifying as left-wing for their politics.”

(On an unrelated note, they also reported we write some of the highest quality sexts they’ve seen: at an all time high seventh grade level.)

Guessing she’d be kinda good at PolSci

So, naturally, us cray liberals on campus were a little hype over Malia. We still had a good weekend overall, though, and figured we’d highlight some of what Brown uniquely has to offer to prospective students, daughter of POTUS/FLOTUS included.

Firstly, our mailroom is #bumpin after the renovations this summer. I mean, seriously, who doesn’t like to get down to early 00’s music while waiting for your latest copy of the New Yorker?

Plus, Greek Life at Brown is rraaaaaagggiiiiiinnnggggggggggg. I mean yo, bro, did you even crush Sigma’s party last night? Ya boi’s now at the Ratty recovering.

What’s more, we’re practically at the top of every ranking list . Like Rhode Island’s ugliest building poll every year. Not trying to brag but the SciLi wins. Every year. Every. Year.

And, Malia could take Introduction to the American Political Process. Except if she takes it at Brown, she can take it S/NC so there’s not so much #legacy parental pressure.

Finally, Bajas. Come on y’all. Bajas.

Tbh, Brown is the OBVIOUS choice a fantastic place and I can’t imagine calling anywhere else home.

Malia, if you’re reading, hope you enjoyed your visit — see you in September 2016?