The definitive types of tailgater: Harvard-Brown edition

The 176th annual Harvard-Brown Tailgate, which took place on the Harvard soccer field two Saturdays ago, brought along buses upon buses of prepared partiers.

It’s hard to capture every stereotype in the wild on the day, because, to be honest, we’re taking over a few of them ourselves.

But here are some of the tailgaters we encountered during our time in Cambridge. (Disclaimer: the pictures below are purely illustrative, and do not always match the tailgate groups we describe).

Go Bruno.

The Snapchat princess

We couldn’t find the tailgate right away, so my friends and I spent some time wandering around the campus. The first tailgater we encountered on our way to the party was this kid from Harvard who pretended to have a British accent.

How do we know this? He was taking a Snapchat video of himself and was talking as if he was from England. When he received a Snapchat response, he turned to his friend, and in an American accent, told him “she” had replied saying she was at the tailgate. Hearing this, we followed the two guys to the field.

The moon-bouncer

When we arrived, the first thing we noticed was an overcrowded pick-up truck full of bouncing people. They were literally bouncing on the back of the truck, as if they were on the moon — very slowly and cautiously. With smiles on their faces, they jumped off the vehicle and proceeded to bounce around the tailgaters, smiling at everyone they passed by. They gave handshakes, which were also strangely in slow motion, to those they knew, or thought they knew. Most of the people afterwards shared confused looks as if to say, “Do I know that person?”

The heavy lifter

You know them: the guys carrying the 30-packs under their arms, but refuse to pass out any cans. Instead, they keep it all for themselves. They’re sort of like nomads — not really staying with any group for too long, but moving around the party, still holding the box, with the intention of everyone seeing them with a 30 and thinking they’re the life of the party.

The fucked-up fuckboy

As my friend and I were walking towards the bathroom, we encountered a guy sitting on the ground, his back against what was probably a historically-inscribed boulder in the ground. When we walked past him, we saw he had one hand down his pants, the other over his stomach, and he was mumbling to himself. He had a basketball jersey on, a backwards baseball cap and knee-high socks. He proceeded to introduce himself to us as we continued to pass him, saying, “Hey what’s up I’m Nick yeah that’s right I’ll just be chillin’ here for a bit I’ll see you ladies later.” And with a wave of his pointer finger, he tilted his head back and passed out.

The fine diner

Yes, this was a tailgate, but it was an Ivy League tailgate. It’s fair to say we had some ultra-prep kids in our presence. While most people hung out in a large cluster on the field, there were a few cars parked off to the side. They had folding chairs, a folding table, and hors d’oeuvres — cheese, crackers, grapes, red wine — with them as well and they were listening to classical music.

Shamu

As we chatted in a group, a guy passed by us and tripped on one of the crushed beer cans on the ground. The red solo cups in both of his hands — full of Natty Light, I’m sure— splattered all of us. It was like we were sitting in the Splash Zone at a SeaWorld Shamu show.

The gamer

The last type of tailgater we encountered was sitting in a lawn chair circle. You would think the drinking game the eight guys played was more important than the football game we were all tailgating for from the way they reacted to some of the calls. I think two guys even got into a fight.

See you next year.