I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day sober

Thursday night I decided I would endure our beloved “gaRAGE” sober. Completely sober. Except for some Red Bull and water.

2 p.m. My friends started drinking while I was at my internship in the city and I was getting some serious FOMO. Not surprisingly only three of nine of us actually made it all the way to Garage for their St. Patrick’s Day celebration.

6 p.m. I’m feeling kind of tired and worrying about my Business Law midterm the next day but the endless slew of text messages from my friends get me to at least put on decent clothes and some make up. Some being a key word because I knew I was going to just sweat it all off anyway.

7 p.m. I make it to the first pre game and lo and behold everyone is “power napping” or blacked out. At this point I seriously considered going back and power napping all night long. Instead I moved to another pre game (thank god for our close proximity of living here at BC).

8 p.m. Finally two of my friends emerge from sleeping and work and meet me at the pre game. The boys come back from dinner and everyone starts to get pretty drunk. Today being especially bad because they had literally been drinking for six hours at this point. And from their reactions the jungle juice was pretty strong.

9:15 p.m. The word Uber starts being screamed a lot. Confusion arises about who is going to ride with who. Do we need and “X” or an “XL”. Boys start to make jokes about their junk with the mention of X vs. XL. (apparently they’re all XXL). Eventually the hectic-ness is sorted out and we are on our way. We have a super nice uber driver who lets me DJ all the way to the line of 15+ ubers that inevitably forms out side of Garage every Thursday night.

9:30 p.m. There is a MOB outside of the door. People are pushing each other and claiming they didn’t do it. No one knows what door is open but they just keep pushing to the front like that will get them in faster. Lots of screaming and a “open the other entrance” even starts up. So creative. At this point, to make the night even more interesting, I realized I forgot my ID. I had a panic moment that I just went through a bunch of bull shit and wouldn’t actually get to participate in Garage Thursday soberly. Although I didn’t full on freak out because my bed sounded pretty good after standing outside for 20 minutes in the cold.

10:45 p.m. I got in and made it through a full hour, through my friends taking a rounds of shots and the number of people it seemed had doubled since I got there. The first thing I noticed that never really registers when I am in there was how hot the place gets. You can literally see the sweat rising from the masses. The sweat on people is honestly disgustingly amazing. Boys shirts and drenched and everyone’s hair is sticking to their faces.

11:00 p.m. To add to the excitement a fight broke out in the VIP section. Most people thought it was funny and cheered. I was legitimately scared. Punches were being thrown with blatant disregard for anything. I don’t really understand the aggression that forms in boys when they drink but its very real.

11:15 p.m. This time is the peak of Garage-sweatiness is in full effect, the alcohol has hit and people are getting frisky. However, I need to get some water but I literally went to every bar and NONE of them had water. Seems a little suspicious and dangerous to me, just saying.

I somehow got into the VIP section so I grabbed some ice cubes from a bottle service bucket and tried to cool myself down. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Another thing I noted was there was a lot of back and fourth walking through the place. Everyone had to get somewhere to see someone every second. It’s actually laughable because everyone would walk two steps see someone hug them dance for a little and then drink each other’s drinks (no wonder we are always sick) and slowly dance away from the person or say they really needed to go see someone else. Its like a constant migration around a room is occurring the whole night. At this point the sweaty make outs have begun. I wonder if the people even know that they’re kissing let alone who they’re kissing. But hey drunk kisses are sober hugs am I right?

11:30 p.m. The strippers come out. WOOO because thats what a bunch of  college kids want. This part of Garage seems to elude everyone who participates in the spectacle. The cages are a great addition and perfect for girls to feel powerful and with a little liquid courage dance objectively in a cage. Where did they come from? Do they enjoy their job? Does their Daddy know about their night job? The answers to these questions we may never know.

12:00 p.m. After dancing for a while we made our way to the extra room. Tonight they had a DJ in the extra room too, which with the addition of couches, basically made for a huge sweaty orgy. Gross. At this point we decided to uber back to our BC home.

My favorite quotes from the night, after telling people I was sober

• “You poor thing why would you do that to yourself?”
  “You should make sure to mention in the article that millennials don’t respect money” (…I think you meant to say BC kids don’t respect money).
• “DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!!” Ten times in a row, on five different occasions throughout the night.