Men’s Varsity Crew: Dudes being dudes in tight spandex
‘We row boats’
We sat down with a few members of the Men’s Varsity Crew team as they prepare for the Head of the Charles Regatta this weekend.
Over 11,000 athletes will compete between Saturday and Sunday, which is a lot of spandex for the Charles River to handle.
BC Men’s Crew is a very talented team – it’s crazy they’re not D1. Last year at HOCR, the 1V boat took eighth place in the Collegiate 8 race with a time of 15:41, tailing Williams College by about half a second. Michigan placed first at 15:14.
We chatted with senior Matt Piekarski, and juniors JP Scaduto and Ed Twohig about why they have small arms and how they intimidate their opponents.
From left to right: JP (’17, Biology), Matt (’16, Computer Science and Math), and Ed (’17, Perspectives and Economics)
Explain rowing in one sentence.
Matt: Someone call my mom.
Ed: If you don’t want to quit, you’re not doing it right.
If you’re a rower, why aren’t your arms big?
Matt: It’s just our giant quads making them look smaller.
JP: I don’t know what you’re talking about. My arms are huge.
What does your seat in the boat say about your personality? I hear stroke men have a small man complex.
JP (stroke seat): I’m the smallest person in the boat.
Ed: I’m in the 3 seat – it’s generally where you put the 6 foot 8 German dude.
Talk to me about the dimension of your quads.
JP: It’s hard to explain – it’s like trying to measure the circumference of the sun.
Ed: I was gonna say, is there a number big enough?
Matt: It’s not as easy as just taking a tape measure and measuring, but if we did, they’d be pretty big.
Ed: Above average. Finding pants is always a problem.
What’s your 2K?
Matt: Eight minutes.
JP: Eight minutes.
Ed: Eight minutes.
(They all lied – all three are in the six-minute range, which is very impressive.)
‘My arms are huge’ – tank tops
What’s the craziest thing that has ever happened during practice?
Matt: We almost sank a boat, which is worth a year of tuition.
Have you ever caught an ejector crab, and did it hurt?*
Matt: No but if anything the shame would hurt more.
JP: Yea, if it hurts anything it’s your ego.
* An ejector crab is when you fsu so bad you fall out of the boat.
How can you intimidate your opponent on the line?
JP: Look as stupid as you can.
Matt: Speaking in Eastern European accents.
Ed: Definitely Eastern European accents.
What do you do if you have to go to the bathroom when you’re on the water?
JP: Normally you would just stand up and go out of the boat. If it’s a race, you go in a water bottle.
Ed: Gatorade bottle extra wide top.
Matt: For some people Poland Springs works – just depends on the rower.
In his free time, all Matt does is row boats
Tell me about the worst coxswain you’ve ever had.
Matt: He broke a lot of boats – he never learned how to steer. He also didn’t know how to swim so he would insist on wearing a life jacket in the boat. And there’s not that much room in the boat.
Ed: He used to make up words.
Do you prefer the skinny or thick handles and why?
Ed: Skinny handles.
JP: Definitely skinny handles.
Matt: It’s the texture too. Some are easier on the hands than others.
What’s the optimal uni hike?*
Matt: It depends how good as you are.
JP: It’s directly proportional to how fast you are. The faster you are, the higher up it is.
*This is the spandex onesie that rowers wear.
Is rowing the hardest sport, why or why not?
Matt: No, because you’re just sitting there the whole time.
Where’s the best place to watch a rowing race?
Matt: Come to Eliot Bridge on Saturday and Sunday at 3 pm.