Why I’m re-rushing this fall against all odds

August 2016 will mark the second time that I will have experienced formal fall recruitment. Freshman year (2014), I went through sorority rush and absolutely fell in love with the sorority I pledged. Unfortunately, due to medical setbacks – ones that I am continuing to fight – my academic performance and, therefore, GPA were significantly affected. I was forced to complete a medical withdrawal before I was initiated and since I couldn’t Nationals doesn’t allow for a member to remain a pledge for two semesters, I had to sadly revoke my pledge and drop from my second family.

big/little reveal 2014

I couldn’t put it into words how heartbroken I was – I didn’t even say goodbye to a majority of my sisters before I left because I couldn’t imagine not being a part of this amazing organization anymore.

I was never and will never be your “typical sorority girl.” I am your tattoo-bearing, punk-rock loving, vintage-wearing, resting-bitch-face, band-playing, NYC-stomping, silver-haired Asian artist. I’m not saying that you have to be a cookie-cutter gal to be in a sorority, just that none of my friends or family – not even I – expected myself to ever find my niche within the Greek community.

Me playing the synthesizer in my band Four Star Dad (we have since then disbanded)

Honestly, during my first semester as a freshman, I didn’t utilize the full potential that I could have gotten from my sorority. I saw it as a place to eat, hang out, study, and have fun. I always thought that I had to put on a strong and happy face on. It wasn’t until the beginning of spring semester, when probably was at at one of my lowest points, did I realize how much my sisters were actually there for me.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Mental health on top of academics is already a handful to deal with, adding the responsibilities of working and being a member of a sorority was overload. It took me being locked in my freshman dorm bathroom in desperation and experiencing the worst anxiety attack to date for me to finally reach out to someone. The only people I could think of at the time were my sisters. After that, they cared for me for days, took me to the hospital after I begged them to, visited and called me while I was there, picked me up, and continued to look after my wellbeing well after my discharge.

I had been so used to people writing off mental health as minor and trivial issues not to be bothered with, but they showed me so much more than that. That was one of the first times that I had ever gotten real help for my depression and anxiety and without that, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. Honestly, I might not even be here. I am definitely still battling with these issues, but my friends have empowered me to ask for what I want and not only what I need.

one of my first tailgates – honestly i would have been so lost and scared without my friends there by my side

I originally participated in recruitment for both academic and personal growth. I attended a competitive high school where most of my AP classes (Calculus BC, Physics B & C, Music Theory, Art History, etc.) consisted of mostly male students – which honestly, made me feel extremely inferior. I knew that I wanted to be surrounded by strong, inspiring women who would help me break that barrier and that reason for rushing is still important to me. Two years later, my perspective on Greek Life has grown exponentially. Even if I don’t end up pledging the same sorority I did during my first recruitment, I will, ultimately, “trust the system” and know that I will be surrounded by genuine, caring people.