The eight maddening moments that prove just how out of touch Gwyneth Paltrow really is

Gwyneth Paltrow is a very accomplished actor, entrepreneur, and musician (If you count Glee, which of course we do), but for all her pretty stellar moments, she’s one of the most out-of-touch celebs out there.

It’s not necessarily her fault, either, having grown up as the nepo baby of actress Blythe Danner and film producer-director Bruce Paltrow. But still, while some celebrities do a lot of work to ground themselves in the reality of people not belonging to the one per cent, Gwyneth Paltrow seems to go out of her way to separate herself from us mere mortals.

From comparing mean messages to war, to preferring hard drugs over canned cheese, here are Gwyneth Paltrow’s most out-of-touch moments.

1. ‘I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup’

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A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow)

Back in 2005, during an apperence on Conan O’Brien’s Conan talk show, Gwyneth admitted that she would “rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.”

I get it, a Cup-a-Soup is a far cry from the beef tallow and caviar her kids are probably eating, but beggars can’t be choosers. Cup-a-Soup might not be the most glamorous meal out there, but it’s hardly worth dying over.

Cup-a-Soup-gate is not the only time Gwyneth has put her foot in her mouth over clueless food opinions. Amidst supporting diet culture and “finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu”, a particular favourite had to be: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can.”

2. The transformative experience of seeing a flowering zucchini

This one is not exactly controversial, but completely insufferable nonetheless. She said, “When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.”

Really Gwyneth? Sure, I say the exact same thing when Pedro Pascal does literally anything, but at least that’s got a scientific basis. What about a squash blossom is sparking cardiac issues?

Calm down, Maya Angelo.

3. She out-Gwyneth Paltrowed herself in the whole court debacle

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In January 2019, retired optometrist Terry Sanderson sued Gwyneth Paltrow for crashing into him three years earlier at a ski slope in Deer Valley Resort in Utah. He claimed he suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result, so naturally, she counter-sued and claimed he was the one who crashed into her. The best part? She was seeking damages of $1.

Gwyneth recieved her $1 when the judge sided with her, and while the entire saga was a massive eye-roll, it made for gripping TV as a stoic Gwyneth took to the stand with the passion of flatpack furniture.

4. The rocks speak to Gwyneth Paltrow

In a 2013 interview with Harper’s Bazaar, she said, “I’ll never forget it. I was starting to hike up the red rocks, and honestly, it was as if I heard the rock say, ‘You have the answers. You are your teacher.’ I thought I was having an auditory hallucination.”

Huh?

5. Goop was a cultural reset

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Now, I’m fully a Goop apologist who has a guilty pleasure for the website, but let’s be honest, it’s the most ridiculous venture she’s ever created. The so-called lifestyle brand is aimed at women – which women I have no idea.

To illustrate my point, here’s an array of things that Goop has sold to the average woman over the years:

• Vampire repellent spray, £35
• Vesper Vibrator Necklace, £145
• Jellyfish Tank, £2,235
• Gilded Gold Playing Cards, £1,749
• 18K gold dumbbells, £125,000
• A coffee enema, £135
• A toothpaste squeezer, £244
• Camel milk delivery service, £100 a month

6. Comparing getting mean comments to war

In a 2014 interview, Gwyneth Paltrow compared her life in the public eye to the crimes against humanity committed during war – yes, you read that correctly.

“You come across [online comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanising thing,” she said. “It’s almost like how in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanising thing.”

7. She couldn’t be poor, even if she tried

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A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow)

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year,” she told Elle UK in March 2009.

We get it, you’re super super rich. At least pretend we’re the same species, though.

8. Her odd gym habits were one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s stranger moments

Though Gwyneth Paltrow does go to regular gyms like the rest of us povos, she won’t use a shower stall unless it’s bone dry before.

“She refuses to touch what she calls ‘somebody else’s shower water,'” an insider told reporters in 2013. But it doesn’t stop there, as she also won’t use toilet roll unless it’s “an unopened package. It’s nuts.”

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Featured image credit: Balkis Press/ABACA/Shutterstock