An ode to Roots, the best place to eat at UMass

Roots is my haunt. It shouldn’t be. It’s loud. It’s far from my dorm. And if I’m facing the windows any time between 11am and nightfall, the sun is blaring straight into my eyes. 

Yet, day after day I find myself here, emailing fifty professors while crying over my Circuits homework. And, of course, spending all of my precious dining dollars. But despite its faults, I’ll never stray. 

They make ‘eco-friendly’ food taste amazing 

Roots is supposed to be “eco-friendly” and all, but somehow, they have managed to do the impossible and make Earth-friendly food that is delicious and…horrible for you. Roots food is probably the third-easiest way to trash your health – after taking 20 credits in a semester and spending a night at Pike.

The view outside reminds me of why I never want to leave New England

I can watch the autumn turn to November orange. I can admire the snow-lined walkways in February, and in April, I can stare at the tree next to the stairwell as leaves and flowers slowly peek out. I can almost forget how often the weather tries to ruin my day…

There is none of that hipster lighting nonsense 

This isn’t a stuffy Starbucks-ish joint with dark wood and dim lights encased in vintage beer mugs. In fact, between the sunlight and bright green chairs, Roots barely even needs artificial lighting. Yeah the sun-in-my-eyes thing gets kind of annoying at times, but I would rather be blinded by the sun than forced to squint at my notebook through that bizarre, hipster lighting.

Roots has its own kind of soundtrack

You know those super relaxing, hyper-focused, study, rain, white-noise audio tracks we listen to when we’re three days and thirty-eight Red Bulls into finals week? Yeah, you don’t need that in Roots. The clatter and chatter of this beautiful establishment can drown out pretentious alt-existence music, clandestine conversations between CIA operatives, and – most importantly – my internal fears about flunking out of life.

The people-watching opportunities are endless

There are entire walls made of windows; each pane is as wide as a chair, and they go from the floor to the ceiling – clear glass from corner to corner.

This is better than the view. I get to watch poor souls in pajamas run to their 8am classes at 8:02. I get to watch midterms loom in real time (yup, it’s Sweatpants Week again). I even get to watch those folks with tiny plastic skateboards as they endanger everyone on campus! 

The only problem is that although I can watch people through the window-walls, the people outside can see me, too, as I death-stare into my computer and into their lives.

The pulled pork mac and cheese deserves its own category 

Yes, I’ve already talked about food, but let me talk about a little something called the pulled pork mac and cheese sandwich. It is amazing. It is beautiful. It is the only thing besides the chocolate milk at Hamp that consistently reminds me that the world is too glorious for even Donald Trump to ruin.

You can take your Late Night, you can take your Baby Berk, and you can dump it in the compost, because nothing compares to Roots’s pulled pork mac and cheese. I could eat this every day. I do eat this every day. I even wrote it into the piece just so I would have an excuse to buy it and take a picture. And eat it. 

There is even a piano I don’t know how to play 

I can’t play, but I like to think I can serenade people. And because Roots has possibly the only open-access piano on literally all of campus, I can try! (I haven’t been kicked out…yet…)

Even better are the folks who actually know how to play the piano. Sometimes it sounds like someone just left a Bluetooth speaker set to ***Beautiful***, but really it’s just a scary talented person whom I got the privilege of listening to while figuring out what the hell “Eigen vectors” even are.

 There are random events to distract you from the work you should be doing 

Sometimes, I need to slow down, stop working on my Existential Philosophy homework, and distract myself from the hundred and twenty two pages I still need to read on ressentiment; so I just go to one of the events that’s always happening at Roots. A panel run by Harvard Law? Sure! A career fair for education? Let’s go! A talk on the intersection of neo-postmodern architecture and public health? Of course!

You will run into everyone you want to see – and maybe even a few people you don’t

Roots is one of the most weirdly high-traffic places on campus. Where else are you going to run into classmates, friends from across campus, professors, and guest speakers all in one room? People live next to Roots, people go to class in Roots, and a good number of people even work in this very building (like me).

The only place that even comes close is the Student Union. And can you get a pulled pork mac and cheese at the Student Union?

Roots is my Room of Requirement. Work, play, friends, food, random talks I should have done homework during – Roots has it all. Whether I want to catch up on lectures, scream at CS projects that refuse to work, or (try to) relax on YouTube, I can come here, order a hot chocolate, pull out my laptop, and do whatever I need to do. I don’t have an office, but I have Roots, which is actually so much better.