Prop 64 was passed in California, so I got high and went to Disneyland for my birthday
If Andrew Garfield can do it, why can’t I?
If you did not already know, January 28th is the day of queens. The day of my birth, I have always liked to go above and beyond each year. I have done everything from trips to parties to shows. This year was particularly special. I turned twenty-four while high as a kite at Disneyland.
For those of you who do not know, marijuana was fully legalized in California on November 8th. While the country was ending, California decided to turn up. News to my ears, I rejoiced because I would soon no longer need a medical prescription to buy and consume weed.
Just after the New Year, I asked my best friends, Bridgette and Becky*, what I should do for my birthday. After much spit-balling, I suggested going to Disneyland and eating edibles beforehand. I had seen the idea in an interview Andrew Garfield gave W Magazine. He and Emma Stone had done the same thing for his birthday.
They immediately agreed. If Andrew Garfield could do it, so could we.
Bridgette and Becky rolled up to my apartment at 10am, and each of us took one of Becky’s marijuana-infused gummies. While the package read “Pineapple flavored,” the gummy was essentially a cube that tasted like a bitter cannabis leaf with a hint of pineapple in the aftertaste.
We called an Uber to take us to the park, and the hour-long drive was enough for it to get in our system, truly kicking in after we entered through the park gates. Our excitement was through the roof. The grandiose of Main Street U.S.A. welcomed us, and the whirring of roller coasters were subdued by the smells of popcorn, homemade waffle cones, and dangerously greasy turkey legs. The munchies had taken over.
Our first stop: the clam chowder shack in Critter Country.
Clam chowder is literally the greatest soup on this planet, and, at this particular clam chowder venue, all of their soup comes in a delicious sourdough bread bowl. The three of us sat on a bench in silence, stuffing our faces with carbs and staring at a baby that, I kid you not, looked just like Lin Manuel-Miranda.
When we had finished, I spotted a hat. It was the most ridiculous hat that I had ever seen, and, remembering our hero Andrew Garfield’s regret for not buying a Chewbacca backpack, I purchased and wore the Dale-the-chipmunk hat for the rest of the day.
Since we were already in the area, Splash Mountain called to us like any giant water-ride would. We disregarded the sixty-minute wait and hopped in line, giggling uncontrollably for the entire sixty minutes. We passed signs that read “You May Get Wet,” and, because our maturity levels were at zero, we exclaimed “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” after passing all of them.
I honestly remember nothing from this point until we were on Pirates of the Caribbean. The ride is about ten minutes in length and mostly in the dark. Another water ride, this one is much slower than Splash Mountain as riders get into a twelve-person boat and float through various animatronic pirate-themed worlds. The seats in the boat and dim-lighting were a welcome respite as we started to come down from our morning edible. Why not take one more?
Let me just tell you that the second edible sent us to the moon.
While waiting in line at the Fantasy Land Canal boats, we ate popcorn and pretzels, and I had suddenly become determined to get my face painted. I had seen a small child with a tiger face paint. He was truly an inspiration.
We hunted for a face paint stand for about half an hour before finding one tucked away between Pixie Hollow and the Matterhorn. Whenever I get high, I pretend to be Jaws the shark. I do not know why, but I do. So when I was looking at potential face paint options, I was ecstatic when I saw a shark option. That was the one. Like you know when you are in love, I knew I must get this shark painted on my face. #noshame
When we went to dinner that night, none of us could stop laughing or saying, “Cash me ousside. How bow dah.” We held our forks and knives like heathens and engorged ourselves with beignets. Our waiter and everyone around us had to have known we were high.
Riding the Matterhorn is always a crucial part of any Disneyland adventure. As one of the original rides, the outdated roller coaster takes riders in a bobsled through a mountain that is terrorized by a robotic yeti. To the three of us, the ride no longer seemed antiquated. Everything from the red-eyed, demon yeti to the mountain climbers looked completely real. Never have Bridgette, Becky, and I screamed so much in our entire lives.
As the nightly fireworks show lit up the sky, Bridgette, Becky, and I ended our day as we began: in an hour long Uber ride. The Andrew Garfield Experience accomplished, a wonderful ending to one of the best birthdays I have ever had.
*names have been changed.