‘Is that your natural hair color?’: Everything that will happen to you on St Patrick’s Day if you’re really Irish

St. Patrick’s Day: a glorious mid-March excuse to get piss-drunk and whip out your best fake brogue (which usually involves using the phrase “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya!”). For many of-age people, this holiday is a great day to get a little wild and blow off some steam during an otherwise dreary time of year. For those of us who are truly Irish, though, it’s a time when we get to be a little more vocally proud of our ancestry in public and celebrate the history of our loud, strong people.

However, there are also quite a few things you’ll see, hear, and notice in the days leading up to St. Patrick’s Day that’ll either make those Irish eyes smile or roll in annoyance.

People wearing t-shirts or making posts on social media with the abbreviated holiday name misspelled

It’s St. PADDY’S Day, not Patty’s.

People getting irrationally angry if you’re caught, even if only for a minute, without wearing something green

Even though your regular daily appearance screams “Mick” more loudly than anyone’s shamrock beads and “KISS ME, I’M IRISH” pins.

If you’re a redhead

“Is that your natural hair color?” Answer: For me, no. For my equally Irish sister, yes.

If you’re an Irish dancer performing in a parade/at a bar or a party, in reference to the wild curls atop your head

“Is that your real hair?” Answer: 99.999 percent of the time, no. There was ONE time I used foam rollers to curl my hair. Never again.

If you’re an Irish dancer, part 2

So, so, soooooo many people trying to imitate your dancing. More often than not, there’s a beer in their hand that ends up sloshing all over everyone around them.

When you introduce yourself to someone new

Some variation of, “Wow, you’re really Irish!” “Is your family from Ireland?” “That’s a very deliberately Irish name!” (My name is Bridget Conway. I get this a lot.)

When people realize how Irish you are (as if your name/appearance didn’t make it obvious enough)

“Are you part of the Catholic Club?” In other words, are you among the Irish population that was raised Roman Catholic (even though a lot of Irish folks are also Protestants, but for whatever reason people mostly assume that those who are super Irish are Catholic)? Yes. Yes I am.

If you live in the United States

The number of people in your community who identify as “Irish” increases dramatically for about a week, give or take a few days. It’s a little weird, when you think about it, that Americans have become so passionate about one particular ethnicity’s holiday and have spun it into something completely new and unique, but for those of us who are actually Irish and proud of it, it’s nice to be able to take a day to celebrate our heritage.