The single af girl’s Valentine’s Day guide, because this holiday isn’t just for couples

Flower, candles and heart-shaped chocolates are stupid anyway

The older I get, the more single I get. (Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?) Bitter? Maybe. Accepting of the fact that I will be forever alone? Absolutely.

Don’t you worry your pretty little heads off, ladies. I have all of the tricks and activities that will help you get through this Valentine’s Day as a single woman. Trust me, I’m a veteran.

Galentines Day it out

Forget the guys and make a date with your girls. Bottomless glasses of wine. Dominos. Netflix. Sushi. Popcorn. Girl time. And big t-shirts with no pants. This is so, so much better than getting into a tight dress and heels that kill your feet and pretending you only want two glasses of wine at dinner because you don’t want to run the bill up when, really, you would rather be drinking from the bottle with a straw instead.

Treat yo self

If you’re not going to spend a crap load of money on some guy, might as well spend a crap ton of money on YOU. Get rid of all that nasty dead skin built up on your feet with a pedicure (definitely spring for the fancy one) and order in from the expensive sushi menu instead of the sketchy on-the-verge-of-food-poisoning sushi place. All that heart-shaped jewelry some girls get from guys? Don’t even worry about it. Buy yourself something original that you love and might actually wear.

Love yo self

In the wise words of Hailee Steinfeld:

“I’m gonna touch the pain away
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name, Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else”

Tinder Tinder Tinder

Whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend was seriously misinformed. The Tinder app is all a girl needs in her life this V-Day. The only challenge will be weeding out the weirdos, which, let’s be honest, is almost everyone on Tinder….Wait, am I one of those weirdos?

Go see 50 Shades Darker

Hey, if you’re not getting the fairy tale Valentine’s Day, might as well live vicariously through Christian Grey and his sexy self. Let whips, chains and blindfolds spice up this lovey dovey season. You’re not tied down to one man, so just watch Mr. Grey tie Anastasia down to a table. Mr. Grey will see you now.

So, no shame, ladies, in being that single cat lady for Valentine’s Day this year. Live your life, do your thang, drink all the wine you want and eat all the pizza you want. You are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t answer to anyone and is doin’ life on her own terms. Happy Galentines Day, girls.

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