Every guy you’ll date at UW-Madison before you give up guys for good
Which one is the worst?
There are many stereotypes Madison boys embody, but there a select few that we women date religiously.
The frat star
He hangs out exclusively at the KK or at sorority parties. His outfit of choice is a polo and a nice pair of shorts, but both in extremely weird colors. He likes to use ‘bro’ ironically, but we all know he takes it seriously. He probably has an ass tattoo of his frat letters, and he’s not ashamed to show it off. He thinks any girl would be lucky to have him, though he has a subpar personality and has never steadily dated a girl before.
The guy who desperately wants to be in a frat
Maybe he tried to get in, or he was too late to the game, but he wishes he was in a frat with his whole heart. He hangs out around the frat houses and picks up on weird lingo he shouldn’t know. You always find him at the sorority parties, though no one invited him. He is the drunkest guy at the party and owns three different shirts with Greek letters on them. He calls everyone his brother, and no one likes it.
The academic
He’s only here for the academics. He spends all of his time in the library, coffee shop, or in his room studying. He owns many preppy button-up shirts and is always put together and khaki pants. His grades are incredible, and the only way you can get him to hang out with you is during a study date. He’s the only person you know that skips game day because he wants to study for the LSAT.
The classic fuckboy
He seems like a nice average guy, but once you get to know him, he’s a terrible human being. He texts you at 3am on a Tuesday ‘just to see what you are up to’ and tells you that he doesn’t want anything serious, though you never asked to be. He likes to give you back-handed compliments like ‘that shirt looks nice on a girl with your build’. He invites you to hang out, but tells you to stop being needy when he doesn’t show up to said hang out.
The athlete
Playing a sport at UW-Madison does bring on the jersey chasers, and these boys know it. They walk into parties with their heads held high because they know they’ll get attention from some women. They don’t care about school, and they expect special treatment from their professors.
The guy who thinks he’s an athlete
He takes recreational sports way too seriously, and paints his body for every game no matter the weather. He knows every stat for every game, and consistently says he could be on the team when they do poorly. This guy is so critical of every play, and he’s the most annoying person to watch it with.
The hipster
He can’t go to class without having a bowl for breakfast, and he says ‘mega’ much too often. He’s the skinniest kid you’ve ever seen, but the gaunt look does him well. You’ve never seen him eat anything but edibles. He owns a couple different cardigans, and his hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in weeks. Everything that comes out of his mouth doesn’t make much sense, but it always seems to impress the professor…when he shows up to class.
The alcoholic
He takes the party scene to a whole other level. Students here already seem like alcoholics, but this guy is notorious for bringing drinks to class. He blacks out every weekend at least once, and will not go out unless he already has a buzz going. He takes dad-bod to a whole new level, but swears that he’s going to start working out. He has you tape bottles to his hands at his own volition, which is terrifying.
The nice guy you want to like but you just can’t
You can’t pin point why you don’t like him, but he just isn’t for you. This guy would put down what he’s doing in a heartbeat just to do you a favor. He buys you thoughtful gifts, texts you every day, but you just can’t find that spark. Breaking up will make you feel like a terrible person, but stringing him along would make you feel worse.
Illustrations by Sophia Silva